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What kind of trees are the most diseased?
 
What do you call a lion with no eyes?
 
How can you gain weight through exercise?
 
How much earth can be excavated from a hole 6 feet wide, 4 feet long, and 2 feet 6 inches deep?
 
What do you call a bank manager sitting in a tree?
 
What do you call a part-time bandleader?
 
How can you prove that a man has three heads?
 
How do engineers start construction of an earthquake center?
 
What does everything in the world have in common?
 
What happened at the crossword puzzle addict’s funeral?
 
Why did the long-winded speaker need no introduction?
 
What’s the greatest aid to adult education?
 
What happened to the pregnant lady who got frightened by the bear at the zoo?
 
What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
 
What’s worse than Joe’s dog swallowing a tapeworm and dying by inches, or Josh’s dog crawling up his bed and dying by the foot?
 
Why did the Doctor call Little Johnny "Theophilus" when he was born?
 
What shouldn't you ever share with your friends?
 
What one thing do Democrats and Republicans share in common?
 
How do you tune into the sun?
 
Where do old bicycle tires go?
 
What's the most interesting thing about the word "knight"?
 
Why is duct tape like "The Force"?
 
What is neither flesh nor blood, but has four fingers and a thumb?
 
What happens when an owl gets laryngitis?
 
A rope ladder is hanging over the side of a ship. The ladder is five metres long, and the rungs are 20 centimetres apart, with the lowest rung resting on the surface of the water. The water is rising at a rate of 20 centimetres an hour. How long will it take before the first three rungs are under water?
 
If a bus leaves from Vancouver to Calgary an hour before another bus leaves from Calgary to Vancouver, which bus will be closer to Vancouver when the two are passing each other?
 
Two men play five games of checkers, and each wins the same number of games. There are no draws. How can this be?
 
Do they have a fourth of July in England?
 
If a peacock and a half lays and egg and a half in a day and a half, how many eggs will three peacocks lay in three days?
 
A Doctor is about to operate on a little boy. "This is my son!" exclaims the Doctor. The Doctor is correct, yet the Doctor is not the boy's father. What is going on?
 
Did you hear about the ghost who got in trouble for handing out boo's to minors?
 
How many three-cent stamps are there in a dozen?
 
(Do this in your head) Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. And another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
 
How can you put your left hand in your right hand pants pocket, and then put your right hand in your left hand pants pocket at the same time?
 
How can you take one from nineteen and get 20?
 
What is the longest yet the shortest thing in the world; the swiftest and the slowest; the most divisible and most extended; the least valued and the most regretted; without which nothing can be done; which devours everything, however small, and yet gives life and spirit to all things however great?
 
What question can never be answered with a "yes"?
 
What English word, which is singular, but if you add an "s" becomes plural, but if you add another "s" it becomes singular again?
 
I wave constantly but no one ever waves back. What am I?
 
What did the vegetarian tiger eat?
 
Where does the ambassador fish?
 
What do you call an insect that flies out of jail?
 
If a man is born in Alberta, grows up in Manitoba, and dies in Nova Scotia, what is he?
 
What was the Doctor's response to the patient who said, "Doctor, Doctor - I have only 59 seconds to live!"?
 
A cabbage, a tap, and a tomato were in a race. What happened?
 
What do you get when a ghost sits on a branch?
 
In which month do dogs bark the least?
 
Why is slippery pavement like music?
 
When is a car not a car?
 
What kind of lock in on a hippie's door?
 
What goes up white and comes down yellow and white?
 
What do you call someone who sits in a Doctor's waiting room for hours and hours?
 
Name a collective noun.
 
What happened to the Doctor who tried kidnapping for a while?
 
What came after the dinosaurs?
 
Who lives in Australia?
 
What happened to the magical tractor?
 
What bird is present at every meal?
 
What kind of phone makes music?
 
Why do carpenters think there's no such thing as glass?
 
What kind of nut grows on walls?
 
Why did the balloon factory close?
 
How do very small people communicate with each other?
 
What stories do sailors tell their children?
 
What do yaks talk to each other about?
 
What do you call an ant who can't play the piano?
 
What do you call an ant who lives on his own?
 
What do you call a 100-year-old ant?
 
What do you have to take to become a coroner?
 
What are hankies useful for?
 
What do you call a pen with no hair?
 
Why can't you get a straight answer from wrestlers?
 
What can speak every language but never went to school?
 
Why are horses always poorly dressed?
 
What's the difference between an orphan, a man with no hair, a baby gorilla's mother, and a king's son?
 
Why are bad friends like the pages of an old book?
 
Why are the letters 'O' and 'N' important?
 
What is a bowler's favourite dog?
 
What is Hamlet's favourite dog?
 
David's father has three sons: Snap, Crackle and _____?
 
What socks do pirates wear?
 
How do you open the Great Lakes?
 
What do liars do when they die?
 
Did you hear about the butcher's boy who sat on a bacon slicer?
 
What did the dog get when it swallowed a watch?
 
What does a queen bee do when she burps?
 
Why did the stale girl loaf of bread slap the stale boy loaf of bread?
 
What do mummies put on their fingernails?
 
What do clouds wear under their clothes?
 
Did you hear about the man who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
 
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
 
What is the biggest moth of all?
 
Who was the biggest thief in history?
 
What do oranges and electrical outlets have in common?
 
What do you call a horse behind bars?
 
What is a tailor's favourite subject?
 
What do you get when you cross a window with a hamburger?
 
What happens to a fish when it gets dizzy?
 
If Rumpelstiltskin likes to sit on gold, who sits on silver?
 
How can you eat and study at the same time?
 
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06-May-2016

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