Before 12 Beers

Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

Good wine is a necessity of life. - Thomas Jefferson

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. - Robert Fripp

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine. - Casablanca

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. - George Burns

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. - Phyllis Diller

I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

When the clergyman's daughter
Drinks nothing but water
She's certain to finish on gin. - Rudyard Kipling

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

In those days the best painkiller was ice. It wasn't addictive, and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it. - George Burns

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor