Firemen's Revenge

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

We must rekindle the fire of idealism in our society. - Joe Biden

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire? - Jerry Seinfeld

Love is friendship set on fire. Hate is friendship burned. - Jeremy Taylor

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes. - Abigail Van Buren

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

Yesterday is ashes; tomorrow wood. Only today does the fire burn brightly. - Eskimo Proverb

Contentment consisteth not in adding more fuel, but in taking away some fire. - Thomas Fuller

As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words. - William Shakespeare

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. - Steven Wright

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. - Unknown

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? - George Carlin

This momentous question, like a fire bell in the night, awakened and filled me with terror. - Thomas Jefferson

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

You get the best effort from others not by lighting a fire beneath them, but by building a fire within. - Bob Nelson

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out. - Dolly Parton

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. - Steven Wright

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love. - William Shakespeare

In case of fire, don't panic. Simply flee the building with the same reckless abandon that occurs each day at quitting time. - Don Delcourt

You don't have to say everything to be a light. Sometimes a fire built on a hill will bring interested people to your campfire. - Shannon L. Alder

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

To have a curable illness and to leave it untreated except for prayer is like sticking your hand in a fire and asking God to remove the flame. - Sandra L. Douglas

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. - Edith Sitwell

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright

Well, yes, I've fired a lot of people. Generally I like other people to fire, because it's always a lousy task. But I have fired many people. - Donald Trump