Happy Keester

Easter is never deserved. - Jan Karon

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Great shot kid, that was one in a million. - Han Solo

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

When I was a kid everyone used to call me pork 'n. - Michael Biehn

Acting is standing up naked and turning around slowly. - Rosalind Russell

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime. - Red Skelton

When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point. - Barack Obama

There are few nudities so objectionable as the naked truth. - Agnes Repplier

Those have a short Lent who owe money to be paid at Easter. - Benjamin Franklin

I'm Jewish, so I don't know much about Easter eggs. - Simon Kinberg

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? - George Carlin

Easter is meant to be a symbol of hope, renewal, and new life. - Janine di Giovanni

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

The merry year is born, like the bright berry from the naked thorn. - Hartley Coleridge

As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal. - Mr. T

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one? - Jackie Mason

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

The trouble with dancing naked is that not everything stops when the music does. - Unknown

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

It's only when the tide goes out that you learn who's been swimming naked. - Warren Buffet

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. - Amy Sedaris

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. - Jonathan Katz

This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed. - Archie Bunker

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song. - Pope John Paul II

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

Few Indians only had breech cloths, most being wrapped in buffalo robes, otherwise quite naked. - Zebulon Pike

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz

Apparently, as a kid, I used to eat spiders. Maybe there's some Freudian significance behind that. - Matt Smith

No kid is unsmart. Every kid's a genius at something. Our job is to find it. And then encourage it. - Robin Sharma

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer