Hole In One

I'm a golfer, not an athlete. - Lee Westwood

Golf is a puzzle without an answer. - Gary Player

You drive for show but putt for dough. - Bobby Locke

Where there's a Will there's a Fairway. - Unknown

I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy

Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown

Putting your hands in the earth is very grounding. - John Glover

Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown

Try to be like the turtle - at ease in your own shell. - Bill Copeland

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? - George Carlin

Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown

You are absolutely free to describe me as a turtle or something. - Paul Giamatti

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

Family means putting your arms around each other and being there. - Barbara Bush

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on. - French proverb

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham

I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown

Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. - Paul Harvey

I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth

How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. - Gerald R. Ford

One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

I do know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. - Charles Dickens

Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. - Robert Lynd

If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball. - Gene Jaster

They say that life is a lot like golf - don't believe them. Golf is a lot more complicated. - Gardner Dickinson

Don't you just hate it when you try to think of something other than golf... and you can't? - Mike Purkey

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

Golf is like any other sports competition. There is not a whole lot of point to it unless someone suffers. - Kevin Wohl

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden