Hole In One

Absentee: A missing golfing peg - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You drive for show but putt for dough. - Bobby Locke

Installment: Putting a horse in his stall - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Work: The thing that interferes with golf. - Frank Dane

I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy

Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown

Putting your hands in the earth is very grounding. - John Glover

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed. - Unknown

Teetotaler: A golfer who only keeps track of drives - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Take a walk with a turtle. And behold the world in pause. - Bruce Feiler

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells

I'm in the turtle's race. My journey is a marathon. - Omari Hardwick

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. - Will Rogers

Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown

Are we playing Men's Rules today or do we count every putt? - Unknown

If it weren't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today. - George Archer

Real golfers don't cry when they line up their fourth putt. - Unknown

You are absolutely free to describe me as a turtle or something. - Paul Giamatti

One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown

Good Sportsmanship: Not picking up lost golf balls while they are still rolling - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon

One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown

The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead

A good lie will have traveled half way around the world while the truth is putting on her boots. - Mark Twain

The biggest battle is never on the field, the fairway, the diamond or rink: it's in your mind. - Carey Neuhoff

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

The reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

Golf is like any other sports competition. There is not a whole lot of point to it unless someone suffers. - Kevin Wohl

The trouble with putting armor on is that, while it protects you from pain, it also protects you from pleasure. - Celeste Holm

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway

Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

The biggest thing is just routine. I think that's the biggest correlation between golfers and basketball players. - Stephen Curry

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

I've been doing projects outdoors for the public. I made pigeons eat geometry by putting bread out in rhomboids and triangles. - Jenny Holzer

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!' - Conan O'Brien