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Hole In One

A turtle's target practice on the golf course

Hole In One thanks to Stan Kay

QuotaBills
Golf is a puzzle without an answer. - Gary Player

You drive for show but putt for dough. - Bobby Locke

Where there's a Will there's a Fairway. - Unknown

Forget your opponents; always play against par. - Sam Snead

Putting your hands in the earth is very grounding. - John Glover

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. - Paul Gallico

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? - George Carlin

Are we playing Men's Rules today or do we count every putt? - Unknown

Real golfers don't cry when they line up their fourth putt. - Unknown

You are absolutely free to describe me as a turtle or something. - Paul Giamatti

Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well. - Unknown

Family means putting your arms around each other and being there. - Barbara Bush

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on. - French proverb

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham

You realize just how bad a golfer you are when you play with Freddie. - Donald Trump

I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth

Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain

One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. - Robert Lynd

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball. - Gene Jaster

They say that life is a lot like golf - don't believe them. Golf is a lot more complicated. - Gardner Dickinson

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

I carry a golf ball to put under my feet when they get tight, and a Ther-Band for general stretching. - Jessica Ennis-Hill

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope

Golf is like any other sports competition. There is not a whole lot of point to it unless someone suffers. - Kevin Wohl

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years. - Prince Philip

Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden


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