#1 humor site on the 'net

Only In Texas

They do things differently in Texas

Only In Texas thanks to Karl Schneider

Only In Texas thanks to Karl Schneider

QuotaBills
Few girls are as well shaped as a good horse. - Christopher Morley

A unicorn is just a horse with a point of view. - Ron Sexsmith

The speed of a runaway horse counts for nothing. - Jean Cocteau

The old horse in the stable still yearns to run. - Mongolian Proverb

You don't have to have been a horse to be a jockey. - Arigo Saachi

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. - Fran Lebowitz

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong. - Unknown

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him float. - Unknown

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. - English Proverb

The wagon rests in winter, the sleigh in summer, the horse never. - Yiddish Proverb

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song. - Louis Armstrong

It is a lot harder now to be a police officer than what it used to be. - Steven Seagal

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. - Red Skelton

A horse doesn't care how much you know until it knows how much you care. - Tom Smith

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

The landscape of Texas is in all my work. It's that light; it's that sky. - Robert Wilson

Take care to sell your horse before he dies. The art of life is passing losses on. - Robert Frost

To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live. - Henny Youngman

Police: The only people who are paid to go around pinching people in the wrong places - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Half of the failures in life come from pulling one’s horse when he is leaping. - Thomas Hood

Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - Woody Allen

Texas could exist without the United States but the United States cannot exist without Texas. - Sam Houston

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on. - Ronnie Corbett

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

The police feel that most of the public are against them and that there is a lot of bad feeling. - Peter James

I'm from Texas, and one of the reasons I like Texas is because there's no one in control. - Willie Nelson

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is differences of opinion that make horse races. - Mark Twain

A definite purpose, like blinders on a horse, inevitably narrows its possessor's point of view. - Robert Frost

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

I'm being kidnapped by a comforter, sheet and pillow. No need to call the police for I will be released by morning. - Unknown

The sky in Texas is the most amazing sky in the whole country, I think, like you can see more sky in Texas than you can see anywhere else in the world. - dina Menzel

We ought to do good to others as simply as a horse runs, or a bee makes honey, or a vine bears grapes season after season without thinking of the grapes it has borne. - Marcus Aurelius


Hedge Race Car

Quebec Stop Sign

Perkatory

Bike Storage

Playground Child Eliminator

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Sidecar

Glass World - Where Plumbers Buy

Three Wise Women

Wrench Dinosaur

One More Drop

Idling Eric Idle

High Heel Diver

Rising To The Occasion

Annual Meeting of the Ontario Summer Tires Club

I See You

Get Off Your High Horse

Redneck Towing

Revenge of the Stallion

Rat Cut

Spot the Hidden Barred Owl

Smoking Hot Body

Billy the Eagle Owl

Star Wars Fisherman