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Clean As Cold Water

Grandfather knows how to clean the dishes

Clean As Cold Water thanks to Warren Ralston

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandfather replied, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal.”

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes so he asked again, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore!”

Later that afternoon, as he was on his way out to get the paper, the dog started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out.”

Without diverting his attention from the football game his Grandfather was watching, he shouted, “Coldwater, move!”

QuotaBills
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Happiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Keep a clean kitchen - dine out. - Unknown

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett

The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. - G K Chesterton

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

The three words every woman really longs to hear: I'll clean up. - Molly Shannon

I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr

You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty. - Cecil Baxter

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown

The best time for planning a book is while you're doing the dishes. - Agatha Christie

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am. - Unknown

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

Clean and nourish your mind every day. It can easily become a garbage bin. - Unknown

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean. - Erma Bombeck

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up. - Groucho Marx

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

When we traded the buffalo for a mare, we had no milk to drink, and we still had droppings to clean up. - Punjab Proverb

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

Prejudice, a dirty word, and faith, a clean one, have something in common: they both begin where reason ends. - Harper Lee

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. - Joan Rivers

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

People can say what they like about the eternal verities, love and truth and so on, but nothing's as eternal as the dishes. - Margaret Mahy

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi


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