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Clean As Cold Water
Grandfather knows how to clean the dishes
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, “Are these plates clean?”
His grandfather replied, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal.”
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes so he asked again, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”
Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore!”
Later that afternoon, as he was on his way out to get the paper, the dog started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out.”
Without diverting his attention from the football game his Grandfather was watching, he shouted, “Coldwater, move!”
His grandfather replied, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal.”
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes so he asked again, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”
Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore!”
Later that afternoon, as he was on his way out to get the paper, the dog started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out.”
Without diverting his attention from the football game his Grandfather was watching, he shouted, “Coldwater, move!”
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare
Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb
Happiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz
The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher
My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton
You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett
The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet
The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael
He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb
Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare
Clean your finger before you point at my spots. - Benjamin Franklin
A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb
Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright
One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr
Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford
Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb
I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz
Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten
I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. - G K Chesterton
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash
Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras
If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney
Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten
Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown
Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou
No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon
When the hares have all been caught, the hunting dogs are cooked. - Laozi
A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel
Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown
I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr
Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard. - Margaret C Banning
If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am. - Unknown
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly
Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine
Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown
The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean. - Erma Bombeck
I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez
I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill
Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno
When we traded the buffalo for a mare, we had no milk to drink, and we still had droppings to clean up. - Punjab Proverb
For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino
America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee
Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns
An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut
People can say what they like about the eternal verities, love and truth and so on, but nothing's as eternal as the dishes. - Margaret Mahy
My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead
Every woman's dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed... and clean the whole house while she sleeps. - Unknown
The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia
My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz
Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again. - Dag Hammarskjold
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion... I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. - Kurt Vonnegut
Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi
Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb
Happiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz
The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher
My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton
You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett
The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet
The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael
He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb
Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare
Clean your finger before you point at my spots. - Benjamin Franklin
A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb
Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright
One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr
Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford
Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb
I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz
Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten
I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. - G K Chesterton
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash
Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras
If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney
Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten
Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown
Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou
No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon
When the hares have all been caught, the hunting dogs are cooked. - Laozi
A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel
Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown
I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr
Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard. - Margaret C Banning
If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am. - Unknown
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly
Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine
Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown
The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean. - Erma Bombeck
I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez
I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill
Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno
When we traded the buffalo for a mare, we had no milk to drink, and we still had droppings to clean up. - Punjab Proverb
For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino
America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee
Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns
An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut
People can say what they like about the eternal verities, love and truth and so on, but nothing's as eternal as the dishes. - Margaret Mahy
My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead
Every woman's dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed... and clean the whole house while she sleeps. - Unknown
The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia
My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz
Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again. - Dag Hammarskjold
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion... I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. - Kurt Vonnegut
Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi
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