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Come-Back Line Of The Year

Lawyer tries to trip up a police officer on the stand

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...
Come-Back Line Of The Year thanks to Ann Walters

Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.

Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.

Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.

Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.

Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.

Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for the year's 'Best Come-Back Line of The Year'

QuotaBills
Whenever law ends, tyranny begins. - John Locke

A lawyer and a cart wheel must be greased. - John R Beard

Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance. - Unknown

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker

Let justice be done though the heavens should fall. - John Adams

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. - Martin Luther King Jr.

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - William Shakespeare

Lawyers are in the business of advocacy, not judgment. - Allan C Hutchinson

It is an ill cause that the lawyer thinks shame o'. - John Ray

Justice is a law of nature rarely found in human affairs. - Unknown

Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite. - H.W. Shaw

In the Halls of Justice, the only justice is in the halls. - Lenny Bruce

Corn can't expect justice from a court composed of chickens. - African Proverb

The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice. - Martin Luther King

I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More

Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings

Lawyers are men who will swear black is white, if they are paid for it. - Edward Counsel

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

Layers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished. - Jeremy Bentham

The best use of laws is to teach men to trample bad laws under their feet. - Wendell Phillips

The first and fundamental law of nature is to seek out peace and follow it. - Thomas Hobbes

You cannot live without lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? - Blanche Knott

The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of any itch is inversely proportional to the reach - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Permit me to issue and control the money of a nation, and I care not who makes its laws. - Mayer A. Rothschild

Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela

As to lawyers, their profession is supported by the indiscriminate defense of right and wrong. - Junius

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie

We lawyers learn to study the faces of our witnesses, to form quick judgments, and to act upon them. - Lyman Abbott

Beware of lawyers and consultants and people who do not take risks and who do not get their hands dirty. - Felix G Rohatyn

Why don't you ever hear of a lawyer getting attacked by a shark at the beach? Professional courtesy. - Thomas F Shubnell

If the misery of the poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin. - Charles Darwin

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown

There is one kind of robber whom the law does not strike at, and who steals what is most precious to men: time. - Napoleon Bonaparte

What's the first excellence in a lawyer? Tautology. What's the second? Tautology. What's the third? Tautology. - Richard Steele

If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it. - Scott Adams

I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement. - Calvin Coolidge

The question arises: whether all lawyers are the same. This is like asking whether everything that gets into a sewer is garbage. - Florynce R Kennedy

Musical innovation is full of danger to the State, for when modes of music change, the fundamental laws of the State always change with them. - Plato

Never utter these words: 'I do not know this, therefore it is false.' One must study to know; know to understand; understand to judge. - Apothegm of Narda

Music is amoral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything. - Plato

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright


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