Slammed Grinch

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Up the creek in a boat with a hole. - Archie Bunker

You're gonna need a bigger boat. - Jaws

Flying Buttress: A charging billy goat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Look at you, you're white as a goat. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

A prudent man does not make the goat his gardener. - Hungary Proverb

On second thought, I think I am more crazy than my goat. - Remedios Varo

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

Shells sink,
Dreams float,
Life's good
On our boat. - Jimmy Buffet

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

Rowing harder doesn't help if the boat is headed in the wrong direction. - Unknown

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

Those who have one foot in the canoe and one foot in the boat are going to fall into the river. - Tuscarora Proverb

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

To say my fate is not tied to your fate is like saying, "Your end of the boat is sinking." - Hugh Downs

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.' - Steven Wright

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

New York is my Lourdes where I go for spiritual refreshment...a place where you are least likely to be bitten by a wild goat. - Brendan Behan

The person who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. The sure-thing boat never gets far from shore. - Dale Carnegie

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster