When A Canadian Guy Plans The Wedding

Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

One does not marry art. One ravishes it. - Edgar Degas

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

A man is often too young to marry, but a man is never too old to love. - Finnish Proverb

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. - Red Skelton

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

Never marry anyone you could not sit next to during a three-day bus trip. - Roger Ebert

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

Well, at least he has found his true love - what a pity he can't marry himself. - Frank Sinatra

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster