When A Canadian Guy Plans The Wedding

Marry money. - Max Shulman

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Draft Dodger: Someone who avoids beer on tap. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde

If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. - Joe E Lewis

Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper. - Scottish Saying

Second Marriage: The triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson

Gentlemen who prefer blondes usually marry brunettes. - Unknown

Onion Rings: Worn by vegetables when they get married - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has not pleasure. - Samuel Johnson

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

First of all you’ve got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did. - George Burns

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. - Albert Einstein

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash