It's Safe To Come Out Now, Honey

Marriage is the sunset of love. - French Proverb

Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

Grace: nutrient in the marriage garden - Phil Callaway

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller

Don't marry for money; divorce for money. - Wendy Liebman

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

I hope that one or two immortal lyrics will come out of all this tumbling around. - Louise Bogan

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton. - Dan Duva

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity. - Lauren Bacall

It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce. - Woody Allen

I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. - Kin Hubbard

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

I am one of those cliff-hanging Catholics. I don't believe in God, but I do believe that Mary was his mother. - Martin Sheen

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

When you know you're right, you don't care what others think. You know sooner or later it will come out in the wash. - Barbara McClintock

The best cookies of all in the world are the ones my daughter Sally makes. They come out all uniform with nice little air holes. - Willard Scott

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx