#1 humor site on the 'net

Mouse Christmas Ornament

Why leave mice on the floor - fling em' on your tree!

Mouse Christmas Ornament thanks to Martin Grosse

QuotaBills
It's a trap! - Admiral Ackbar

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

A meowing cat catches no mice. - Yiddish proverb

Don't grow up - it's a trap! - Unknown

When the cat dies, the mice rejoice. - African saying

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Mouse: An animal which strews its path with fainting women. - Ambrose Bierce

That picture with Lon Chaney - "Of Mouse And Men." - Archie Bunker

There is no trap so deadly as the trap you set for yourself. - Raymond Chandler

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

Worry is today's mice nibbling on tomorrow's cheese. - Unknown

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. - Paul Beatty

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. - Steven Wright

It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice. - Deng Xiaoping

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Before you build a better mousetrap, it helps to know if there are any mice out there. - Mortimer B Zuckerman

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Do not trap yourself into an owl's hooting sound
Where sad nights linger through the blackness of a hound - Munia Khan

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon


Anger Release Machine

Closing Time

Palm Sunday Social Distancing Service

Beach Breakfast

Bicycle Dining

Shark Bike

Thrilling Read

Extra Weight

Yoga's Balanced Lifestyle

Gift Shop for Stray Kids

Souped Up Car

Darth VadeHer

Submergible

Happy People

Today's Paper Read Yesterday

Someone Is Upset

Texas Diet

Moose Crossing

Lost Meal

Plane Oops!

The Wheels of Life

Nerd Shaving

Beethoven's Teacher

Coke's Special Ingredients