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Newfie Riding Lawn Mower

Looking After Your Wife: Special Treat for Her on Mother's Day

Last Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my deck, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. Doris from next door was so upset at this that she came over and shouted, “You lazy *&!#$%^&@! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife pushes that ancient lawn mower around! Get up off your backside and give her a break!”
I thought “Goodness! Women!” and I took a swig from my bottle of beer, wiped the cold foam from my lips and stared directly at this nosey neighbour and told her in no uncertain terms, “Bugger off and mind your own business. My wife has green fingers, and she really enjoys gardening.”
After a few days I felt really bad, so I went out and bought her a ride-on mower to show my sensitive side. I am so proud of the deal I got. I am also proud that my wife can now sit down while mowing the lawn.
Newfie Riding Lawn Mower thanks to Roy Taylor

Buying only the best to help the wife cut the lawn

Yes guys, after all, we should take good care of our wives. That way maybe they will take good care of us.
I know - I'm too soft with her. She'll probably want gears on it next!

QuotaBills
Mamogram: A telegram to Mom - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Mother is a verb, not a noun. - Shonda Rhimes

Grammer: Your father's mother. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Leisure is the Mother of Philosophy. - Thomas Hobbes

As is the mother, so is her daughter. - Bible

Ignorance is the mother of admiration. - George Chapman

A child's first teacher is its mother. - Peng Liyuan

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. - Unknown

You trust your mother, but you cut the cards. - Unknown

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy. - Spanish Proverb

Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My mom had a very difficult childhood. My childhood. - Cindy Marzahn

The titular head... that's the mother, ain't it? - Archie Bunker

Nothing is really lost until your Mom can't find it. - Unknown

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother. - Abraham Lincoln

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - Greg Norman

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

Obedience is the mother of success and is wedded to safety. - Aeschylus

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - Gypsy Rose Lee

Life doesn't come with a manual. It comes with a mother. - Unknown

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

A mother is a story with no beginning. That is what defines her. - Meghan O'Rourke

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

My mother was my role model before I even knew what that word was. - Lisa Leslie

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

To the world you are a mother, but to your family you are the world. - Unknown

A mother is your first friend, your best friend, your forever friend. - Unknown

We laugh, we cry, we make time fly. We are best friends, my mom and I. - Unknown

I don't believe in God because I don't believe in Mother Goose. - Clarence Darrow

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist. - Robin Williams

New mother - they get a sense of waddya call, "the maternals." - Archie Bunker

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother. - Beverly Jones

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain

Summer Camps: Those places where little boys go for mother's vacation. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation. - James E Faust

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary. - Dorothy C Fisher

Grandmother, as she gets older, is not fading, but becoming more concentrated. - Paulette Alden

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. - Marion C. Garretty

Antifreeze: What happens to your mother's sister when you steal her blanket - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Spoiled Rotten: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher

Grandmother and grandchild never truly part, maybe in distance but never in heart. - Unknown

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed - I never knew they worked. - Les Dawson

A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb

I not only think we tamper with Mother Nature, I think that Mother Nature wants us to. - Willard Gatlin

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

The only place you’re sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother. - Bruce Lansky

A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend. - Unknown

My perspective on my mother has changed immensely. She was a lot taller when I was younger. - Howie Mandel

When you are looking at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know. - Charley Benetto

If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. - Robert Brault

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall. A mother's secret hope outlives them all. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce. - Woody Allen

There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock

Food: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron

As a family we couldn't decide whether to have Grandma buried or cremated, so in the end we decided to let her live. - Gary Delaney

In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow. - Maya Angelou

I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex symbol, but a mother image. - David Bowie

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren


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