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Newfie Riding Lawn Mower

Looking After Your Wife: Special Treat for Her on Mother's Day

Last Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my deck, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. Doris from next door was so upset at this that she came over and shouted, “You lazy *&!#$%^&@! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife pushes that ancient lawn mower around! Get up off your backside and give her a break!”
I thought “Goodness! Women!” and I took a swig from my bottle of beer, wiped the cold foam from my lips and stared directly at this nosey neighbour and told her in no uncertain terms, “Bugger off and mind your own business. My wife has green fingers, and she really enjoys gardening.”
After a few days I felt really bad, so I went out and bought her a ride-on mower to show my sensitive side. I am so proud of the deal I got. I am also proud that my wife can now sit down while mowing the lawn.
Newfie Riding Lawn Mower thanks to Roy Taylor

Buying only the best to help the wife cut the lawn

Yes guys, after all, we should take good care of our wives. That way maybe they will take good care of us.
I know - I'm too soft with her. She'll probably want gears on it next!

QuotaBills
Mother Superiority - Archie Bunker

As is the mother, so is her daughter. - Bible

Diligence is the mother of good fortune. - Benjamin Disraeli

A mother's love endures through all. - Washington Irving

Necessity is the mother of taking chances. - Mark Twain

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

The phrase working mother is redundant. - Jane Sellman

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh

Mother's Life: One darned stocking after the other - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

For when a child is born the mother also is born again. - Gilbert Parker

Nothing is really lost until your Mom can't find it. - Unknown

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

Life doesn't come with a manual. It comes with a mother. - Unknown

A mother's arms are more comforting than anyone else's. - Princess Diana

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

A mother is a story with no beginning. That is what defines her. - Meghan O'Rourke

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

As a prize - a beautiful riding mower with optional ass scratcher! - Unknown

If I didn't have you as a mom, I'd choose you as a friend. - Unknown

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

The story of a mother's life: trapped between a scream and a hug. - Cathy Guisewite

It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. - Dorothy

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist. - Robin Williams

There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one. - Jill Churchill

There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation. - James E Faust

Today is the anniversary of you being expelled from your mother's uterus. - Unknown

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo

God pardons like a mother who kisses the offense into everlasting forgiveness. - Henry Ward Beecher

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

I never know what to say when people ask me what my hobbies are. I mean, I'm a mom. - Unknown

Middle Age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. - Harold Coffin

If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. - Robert Brault

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie

Once you're a mom, you're always a mom. It's like riding a bike, you never forget. - Taraji P Henson

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy - the mother. - Claudette Colbert

There's a reason some people think they can achieve anything. They listened to their mother. - Unknown

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

My mother gave me my drive, but my father gave me my dreams. Thanks to him, I could see a future. - Liza Minnelli

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see you all day and now the day was complete. - Marcy DeMaree

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. - Erma Bombeck

The older I grow, the more I realize that my mother is the best 'best friend' that I ever had. - Unknown

You really don't need to study how to change a diaper. As a new mom, you learn pretty darn quickly! - Ivanka Trump

There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

My mother always used to say, "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana." - Betty White

There has never been, nor will there ever be, anything quite so special as the love between a mother and a son. - Unknown

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron

I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick. - Sarah Palin

There is an endearing tenderness in the love of a mother to a son that transcends all other affections of the heart. - Washington Irving

Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success; for who so hopes strongly has within him the gift of miracles. - Samuel Smiles

My mother reads the obituary page every day, but she could never understand how people always die in alphabetical order. - Frank Carson

My Mother: She is beautiful, softened at the edges and tempered with a spine of steel. I want to grow old and be like her. - Jodi Picoult

Over the years, I learned so much from mom. She taught me about the importance of home and history and family and tradition. - Martha Stewart

By embracing your mother wound as your yoga, you transform what has been a hindrance in your life into a teacher of the heart. - Phillip Moffitt

It takes someone really brave to be a mother, someone strong to raise a child, and someone special to love someone more than herself. - Unknown

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look 'like a tramp' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My mother was a reader, and she read to us. She read us Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when I was six and my brother was eight. I never forgot it. - Stephen King

Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark ... to have been loved so deeply ... will give us some protection forever. - J K Rowling

The most beautiful word on the lips of mankind is the word 'Mother', and the most beautiful call is the call of 'My Mother'. - Kahlil Gibran

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda

Chutzpa is that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. - Leo Rosten


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