#1 humor site on the 'net

Secret For A Long, Happy Life

Learning to deal with stress

A passer-by noticed an old lady sitting on her front step. “I couldn't help noticing how happy you look! What is your secret for such a long, happy life?”

“I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day,” she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends I pop a huge number of pills and do no exercise at all.”

Secret For A Long, Happy Life thanks to Henry Archibald

A lifetime of whiskey

“This is absolutely amazing at your age!” says the passer-by. “How old are you?”

“Twenty four.”

QuotaBills
My whole heart for my whole life. - French Saying

Sports is human life in microcosm. - Howard Cosell

Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman. - Kathy Lette

Don't go through life, grow through life. - Eric Butterworth

I have a great relationship with Roger Ailes. - Donald Trump

Life is just a dream, but don't wake me up! - Yiddish Proverb

Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei

Life's failures are stepping stones to success. - Unknown

Life isn’t a matter of milestones, but of moments. - Rose Kennedy

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back. - Arthur Rubinstein

The secret of my success was clean living and a fast outfield. - Lefty Gomez

Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved. - Victor Hugo

The only thing I’m afraid of is a life without you, Pigeon. - Jamie McGuire

Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late. - Benjamin Franklin

There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day. - Alexander Woollcott

Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb

People come and go in your life, but the right ones will always stay. - Unknown

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. - David Letterman

Instruction ends in the schoolroom, but education ends only with life. - Frederick M Robertson

Sucking all the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone. - Robin Williams

The very first Easter taught us this: that life never ends and love never dies. - Kate McGahan

Lay hold of life with both hands, whenever thou mayest seize it, it is interesting. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. - Lucille Ball

To be religious is to have a life that flows with the presence of the extraordinary. - Ann Belford Ulanov

Life, in all ranks and situations, is an outward occupation, an actual and active work. - W. Humboldt

During the first period of a man's life the greatest danger is not to take the risk. - Soren Kierkegaard

Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence. - Aristotle

I am afraid. Not of life, or death, or nothingness, but of wasting it as if I had never been. - Daniel Keyes

It is simply my life, music. I live it, breathe it, talk with it. I am almost unconscious of it. - Arthur Rubinstein

The secret to my success is that I bit off more than I could chew and chewed as fast as I could. - Paul Hogan

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world. - George Washington Carver

Viewed from the summit of reason, all life looks like a malignant disease and the world like a madhouse. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way. - C S Lewis

Life is like a good watermelon, sweet and juicy... but you still have to pick out the seeds to enjoy every bit of it. - Unknown

If you want something out of life you have to go out there and get it, because it is not just going to be given to you. - Kelvin Waites

Forgiveness is a way of opening up the doors again and moving forward, whether it's a personal life or a national life. - Hillary Clinton

For almost seventy years the life insurance industry has been a smug sacred cow feeding the public a steady line of sacred bull. - Ralph Nader

When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure. - Peter Marshall

The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up. - John C Maxwell

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed. - Booker T. Washington


Biggest Fan On The Block

Senior's TV Tray

Potty 'Train'ing In India

A Woman Named Five Horses

Vegan Dentist

How To Conserve Gas

Rolling Shoes

How Twins Are Made

Cool Reading Room

Poor Lifetime

Be GarFul

Tooth Ferry

Ready For Rabbits

Ecosystem

Plumber's Night Light

Can I Lick The Bowl

Redneck Shelves

Google Classic

In Touch Today

Delicious Grief

Amplified Beer

How to Twerk at Work

$383.00 Paint Job

Wine Time Finally