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Wal-Mart Job Application

What it takes to be a Greeter at Wal-Mart

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas - they hired him because he was so honest...
Wal-Mart Job Application thanks to Bill Burgess

NAME: George Martin (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no. On my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE? 7 miles.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes. Absolutely.

QuotaBills
No man ever listened himself out of a job. - Calvin Coolidge

A career is a job that has gone on too long. - Jeff MacNelly

Inequality of knowledge is the key to a sale. - Neil O Gustafson

A man without a smiling face should not open a shop. - Chinese Proverb

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

A shop should be like a song of which you never tire. - Harry Gordon Selfridge

If you want the job done fast, give it to a busy person. - Unknown

Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. - Jim Rohn

An optimist is simply a pessimist with no job experience. - Dilbert

You do your best work if you do a job that makes you happy. - Bob Ross

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

Everything is improved by the judicious application of primates. - Chris Roberson

A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job. - Zig Ziglar

Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job. - Unknown

A good thing sells itself; a bad thing advertises itself for sale. - African Saying

My job is not to be easy on people. My job is to make them better. - Steve Jobs

Most of the early part of an actor's career, you do the jobs you get. - Jack Nicholson

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. - Confucius

The real opportunity for success lies within the person and not in the job. - Zig Ziglar

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

People forget how fast you did a job - but they remember how well you did it. - Howard Newton

The woman who can create her own job is the one who will win fame and fortune. - Amelia Earhart

Please don't come to my garage sale if you've ever let me borrow something. - Mike Spears

I had the most boring office job in the world - I used to clean the windows on envelopes. - Rita Rudner

Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire. - Dan Zevin

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they'll use all their fingers. - Frank King

The most interesting thing about a postage stamp is the persistence with which it sticks to its job. - Napoleon Hill

No kid is unsmart. Every kid's a genius at something. Our job is to find it. And then encourage it. - Robin Sharma

I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth - even if it costs him his job. - Samuel Goldwyn

I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth - even if it costs him his job. - Samuel Goldwyn

Too often, sales reps simply regurgitate their presentations and expect to land the sale. It doesn't work. - Harvey Mackay

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

The leader's job is to see the best in human beings who have never caught sight of the best within themselves. - Robin Sharma

Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, "Certainly I can!" Then get busy and find out how to do it. - Theodore Roosevelt

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller

A leader is not an administrator who loves to run others, but someone who carries water for his people, so that they can get on with their jobs. - Robert Townsend

Social media is about friending someone so they'll invite you to a party or get you a job. If that's the work, Snapchat is the playground. - Evan Spiegel


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