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Wal-Mart Job Application

What it takes to be a Greeter at Wal-Mart

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas - they hired him because he was so honest...
Wal-Mart Job Application thanks to Bill Burgess

NAME: George Martin (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no. On my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE? 7 miles.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes. Absolutely.

QuotaBills
Happiness is an inside job. - William A Ward

All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. - Aristotle

Don't torture yourself... that's my job. - Carolyn Jones

A man without a smiling face should not open a shop. - Chinese Proverb

Malaria: Several shopping centers close to each other - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants. - Geraldo Rivera

You do your best work if you do a job that makes you happy. - Bob Ross

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs. - Henry Ford

You're the lowly pheasant with the job of keeping her here. - Archie Bunker

Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job. - Unknown

Traditional methods of sales prospecting are grossly inefficient. - Jill Konrath

A good thing sells itself; a bad thing advertises itself for sale. - African Saying

A bad job with a good boss is better than a good job with a bad boss. - Unknown

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. - Confucius

Bargain Sale: A place where a woman can ruin one dress while she buys another - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I read the book of Job last night. I don't think God comes out well in it. - Virginia Woolf

Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales. - Stephen Hawking

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

If you think your boss is stupid remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was smarter. - Albert Grant

The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form. - Stanley Randall

I think you should take your job seriously, but not yourself. That is the best combination. - Judi Dench

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

The sign of intelligent people is their ability to control emotions by the application of reason. - Marya Mannes

Leadership does not mean getting people to do their job. It means getting people to do their best. - Unknown

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Our Age of Anxiety is, in great part, the result of trying to do today's jobs with yesterday's tools. - Marshall McLuhan

I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth, even if it costs them their job. - Samuel Goldwyn

My job is not to make decisions but to set stretch objectives and help our managers work out how to reach them. - Sergio Marchionne

If you put all your strength and faith and vigor into a job, and try to do the best you can, the money will come. - Lawrence Welk

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. - Bill Hicks

People shop and learn in a whole new way compared to just a few years ago, so marketers need to adapt or risk extinction. - Brian Halligan

In every jigsaw puzzle, there is one key piece, and the only tough job is to identify that key piece from the mess out there. - Sapan Saxena

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Social media is about friending someone so they'll invite you to a party or get you a job. If that's the work, Snapchat is the playground. - Evan Spiegel

Every job I do, I like to think it makes me better, or I learn things. It's all about how much something's going to stretch me or test me. - Daniel Radcliffe


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