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Wal-Mart Job Application

What it takes to be a Greeter at Wal-Mart

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas - they hired him because he was so honest...
Wal-Mart Job Application thanks to Bill Burgess

NAME: George Martin (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no. On my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE? 7 miles.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes. Absolutely.

QuotaBills
Shopping is my cardio. - Carrie Bradshaw

Sales Talk: Trade wind - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Happiness is an inside job. - William A Ward

First get the job; then get the job done. - Unknown

Never send a human to do a machine's job. - Hugo Weaving

Don't torture yourself... that's my job. - Carolyn Jones

The job of an actor is disclosure, not pretence. - Max Reinhardt

My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. - Bill Murray

You do your best work if you do a job that makes you happy. - Bob Ross

The new job of art is to sit on the wall and get more expensive. - Robert Hughes

A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job. - Zig Ziglar

There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job. - Peter F Drucker

Most of the early part of an actor's career, you do the jobs you get. - Jack Nicholson

My uncle is in trouble with his union. They caught him working on the job. - Joey Adams

The real opportunity for success lies within the person and not in the job. - Zig Ziglar

The woman who can create her own job is the one who will win fame and fortune. - Amelia Earhart

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

Farmers don't just work til the sun goes down; they work til the job gets done. - Unknown

Comedy's a funny game, it's not a job, it's a vocation - you never stop. - Eric Sykes

It's all right to be afraid. You just don't let it stop you from doing your job. - Jim Butcher

If someone's not attacking you that means you're not doing your job effectively. - Sean Hannity

I had the most boring office job in the world - I used to clean the windows on envelopes. - Rita Rudner

Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire. - Dan Zevin

The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form. - Stanley Randall

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges. - Jack Handy

A lot of people feel very good about Mitt Romney and I think he's going to do a great job. - Donald Trump

I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. - Bill Gates

Dear heart, please stop getting involved in everything. You job is to pump blood, that's it. - Unknown

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. - Harry S Truman

It's against all of our policies for an application to ever share information with advertisers. - Mark Zuckerberg

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

If you are in the job for glamour, you're in for the shock of your life. The media is a huge shark pool. - Trisha Goddard

You can retire from a job, but don't ever retire from making extremely meaningful contributions in life. - Stephen Covey

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

Every person I work with knows something better than me. My job is to listen long enough to find it and use it. - Jack Nichols

My job is not to make decisions but to set stretch objectives and help our managers work out how to reach them. - Sergio Marchionne

You can always tell a real friend: when you make a fool of yourself, he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job. - Laurence Peter

Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, "Certainly I can!" Then get busy and find out how to do it. - Theodore Roosevelt

There is a difference between conceit and confidence. Conceit is bragging about yourself. Confidence means you believe you can get the job done. - Johnny Unitas


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