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Wal-Mart Job Application

What it takes to be a Greeter at Wal-Mart

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas - they hired him because he was so honest...
Wal-Mart Job Application thanks to Bill Burgess

NAME: George Martin (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no. On my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE? 7 miles.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes. Absolutely.

QuotaBills
These are cathedrals of shopping. - Emile Zola

A career is a job that has gone on too long. - Jeff MacNelly

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes. - William J. Brennan, Jr.

The job of an actor is disclosure, not pretence. - Max Reinhardt

Malaria: Several shopping centers close to each other - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

If you do a job too well, you'll get stuck with it. - Unknown

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants. - Geraldo Rivera

It's a job never started that takes the longest to finish. - JRR Tolkien

Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves. - Dale Carnegie

Steve Jobs changed my life. He also changed the life of every designer. - Yves Behar

We always admire the other fellow more after we have tried to do his job. - William Feather

Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop. - Gertrude Stein

The job of an educator is to teach students to see vitality in themselves. - Joseph Campbell

My uncle is in trouble with his union. They caught him working on the job. - Joey Adams

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

The number one job facing the middle class... a three-letter word, jobs, J-O-B-S. - Joe Biden

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

Please don't come to my garage sale if you've ever let me borrow something. - Mike Spears

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. - Muhammad Ali

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form. - Stanley Randall

A lot of people feel very good about Mitt Romney and I think he's going to do a great job. - Donald Trump

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale." - Steven Wright

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. - Harry S Truman

The sign of intelligent people is their ability to control emotions by the application of reason. - Marya Mannes

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

There is as much ingenuity in making an felicitous application of an passage as in being the author of it. - St. Evremond

You can retire from a job, but don't ever retire from making extremely meaningful contributions in life. - Stephen Covey

A benefit of any job is laughter. It should never be a crime to have fun on the job. It may be a crime not to. - Terry Paulson

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. - Bill Hicks

The person who knows "how" will always have a job.
The person who knows "why" will always be his boss. - Diane Ravitch

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Social media is about friending someone so they'll invite you to a party or get you a job. If that's the work, Snapchat is the playground. - Evan Spiegel

Schools must stop being holding pens to keep energetic young people off the job market and off the streets. We stretch puberty out a long, long time. - Toni Morrison


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