QuotaBillsBirth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Drill Sergeant: An army dentist. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Boredom is a sickness of the soul. - Unknown
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
Life is pharmaceutical from head to cuticle. - David McCord
When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown
Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist's bills. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
Barium: 1. What Doctors do when treatment fails; 2. What you do when CPR fails. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart