Help Me Before It's Too Late!

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! - Groucho Marx

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

Onion Rings: Worn by vegetables when they get married - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The key to success? Work hard, stay focused and marry a Kennedy. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. - Richard Lewis

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

Sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure. - Oscar Wilde

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. - Oscar Wilde

Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. - Unknown

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother. - G Norman Collie

I'm taking memory power boost tablets to help me every day and doing the puzzles to help me stay focused. - Terry Bradshaw

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. - Albert Einstein

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

I used to ask God to help me. Then I asked if I might help Him. I ended up by asking Him to do his work through me. - James Hudson Taylor

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. - Alain

Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who make you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. - Joanne Woodward