Help Me Before It's Too Late!

Marry in haste, repent at leisure. - English Proverb

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

Make love, not war... or get married and do both. - Unknown

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. - Oscar Wilde

Don't marry a tennis player - love means nothing to them. - Joan Rivers

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West

Tenderness is greater proof of love than the most passionate of vows. - Marlene Dietrich

I was going to marry a gardener, but he was too rough around the hedges. - Unknown

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson

I'm taking memory power boost tablets to help me every day and doing the puzzles to help me stay focused. - Terry Bradshaw

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle