Help Me Before It's Too Late!

Marry money. - Max Shulman

To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope. - Princess Leia

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson