Help Me Before It's Too Late!

Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

Marry in haste, repent at leisure. - English Proverb

I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. - St. Augustine

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray. - Seymoure Cray

Make love, not war... or get married and do both. - Unknown

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! - Groucho Marx

Getting married is an incredible act of hopefulness. - Ashley Judd

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

Now a soft kiss; Aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss. - John Keats

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me. - Brendan Behan

Will you marry me? Do you have any money?
Answer the second question first. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room. - Ilona Andrews

Sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure. - Oscar Wilde

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. - Oscar Wilde

Well, at least he has found his true love - what a pity he can't marry himself. - Frank Sinatra

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby