Help Me Before It's Too Late!

Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

A married man is a caged bird. - Spanish Proverb

One does not marry art. One ravishes it. - Edgar Degas

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! - Groucho Marx

Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper. - Scottish Saying

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married. - Queen Elizabeth I

The key to success? Work hard, stay focused and marry a Kennedy. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

A man is often too young to marry, but a man is never too old to love. - Finnish Proverb

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. - Richard Lewis

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. - Red Skelton

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

First of all you’ve got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did. - George Burns

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry