Home Depot Delivery

Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

There are no dumb customers. - Peter F Drucker

Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal. - Leo Tolstoy

I can't brain today. I have the dumb. - Unknown

The buffalo is a surprisingly stupid animal. - Ellsworth Huntington

It is easy to be heavy; it is hard to be light. - G K Chesterton

You can't fix stupid - not even with duct tape. - Unknown

I pay very heavy semi-annual premiums 4 times a year. - Archie Bunker

Most of life is choices, and the rest is pure dumb luck. - Marian Erickson

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. - George Bernard Shaw

I was deaf and dumb and blind to all but me, myself and I. - Loretta Young

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon. - John Madden

Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education. - Bertrand Russell

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

He really is terribly heavy going. Like running up hill in roller skates. - Alan Ayckbourn

It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. - Lou Holtz

People think a Muslim has to have a turban or a big beard. It's stupid. - T-Pain

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

Come unto me, all ye who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. - Matthew 11:28

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person. - Chanakya

Don't do something permanently stupid because you're temporarily upset. - Unknown

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid. - Dorothy Parker

The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it, sometimes three. - Alexandre Dumas

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

I don't consider myself a heavy drinker, I often go hours without touching a drop. - Noel Coward

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

You'll never have any mental muscle if you don't have any heavy stuff to pick up. - Diane Lane

If you think your boss is stupid remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was smarter. - Albert Grant

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

Authority without wisdom is like a heavy axe without an edge, fitter to bruise than to polish. - Anne Bradstreet

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I do know what my first meal in the next world would be: Spaghetti Aglio e Olio, heavy on everything. - Rachael Ray

A man must be both stupid and uncharitable who believes there is no virtue or truth but on his own side. - Joseph Addison

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive, but do not forget. - Thomas Szasz

What sounds to you like a big load of trashy noise... is in fact... the brilliant music of a genius... myself. - Iggy Pop

They should have little disclaimer that says, "Do not operate heavy machinery while watching this show!" - Robin Williams

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison

The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt. - Bertrand Russell

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat, lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you don't have a plan. - Larry Winget

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? - Scott Adams

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders. - Sloan Wilson

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright