#1 humor site on the 'net

Anti-Theft Car

Never worry about car theft - just take it with you everywhere

Anti-Theft Car thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Portable cars park easier than Smart cars

QuotaBills
Smart tyrants retire rich. - Voltaire

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

The best alarm clock is sunshine on chrome. - Unknown

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

You can't be a smart cookie if you have a crumbly attitude. - Unknown

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

It is true greatness to have in one the frailty of a man and the security of a god. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I wear a fun sock when I travel to give the security staff a well-deserved chuckle. - Chelsea Peretti

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

Man who invented the hamburger was smart; man who invented the cheeseburger was a genius. - Matthew McConaughey

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. - Unknown

A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners. - Lord Chesterfield

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

Hard work is the soundest investment. It provides a neat security for your widow's next husband. - Unknown

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

In France we leave unmolested those who set fire to the house, and persecute those who sound the alarm. - Sebastien Chamfort

You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay

The true identity theft is not financial. It's not in cyberspace. It's spiritual. It's been taken. - Stephen Covey

Pigeons are gentle and smart and have complex social relationships. Their hearing and vision are both excellent. - Ingrid Newkirk

With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street. - Dr. Seuss

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

The difference between a smart man and a wise man is that a smart man knows what to say; a wise man knows whether or not to say it. - Frank M. Garafola

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


Flying Cathedral Excuse

Day At The Beach

John The Baptist Souvenirs

Amish Prom Limo

Wishy-Washy Church

'Cover Girl' Magazine

One At A Time

Shofar So Good

Temple Car

Closing Time

Wine Glass Lanyard

Awning Truck Advertising

Plugged In

Org Chart - Simplified Version

Extreme Value

Instant Acrophobia

How To Hire Engineers

Business School Basics

Waterwheel Rotisserie

Elephant Bus

Promote Yourself

Time Machine

Redneck Engagement Ring

Forever Clean Toilet