Bumper To Bumper on the Freeway

Fjord: Norwegian car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never insult anyone by accident. - Robert A. Heinlein

Safety doesn't happen by accident. - Unknown

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. - Mark Twain

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

Stardom isn't a profession, it's an accident. - Lauren Bacall

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. He hates New York. - Steven Wright

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The minute there's a map, there is no art. Paint by numbers is not art. Paint by numbers is a mechanical activity. - Seth Godin

It's a sad day when you find out that it's not accident or fortune but just yourself that kept things from you. - Lillian Hellman

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. - Judith Viorst

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright