#1 humor site on the 'net

Can Never Have Too Many Tools

Tim the Tool Man's SUV

Can Never Have Too Many Tools thanks to Bob Tasse

QuotaBills
Men have become the tools of their tools. - Henry David Thoreau

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

The man who has a full set of tools has no children. - Unknown

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

The most powerful leadership tool you have is your own personal example. - John Wooden

Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things. - Henry Ward Beecher

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity. - Zig Ziglar

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

My tastes are not those of the king, who has none, except for hunting and mechanic's labour. - Marie Antoinette

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Our Age of Anxiety is, in great part, the result of trying to do today's jobs with yesterday's tools. - Marshall McLuhan

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

A designer is an emerging synthesis of artist, inventor, mechanic, objective economist and evolutionary strategist. - R. Buckminster Fuller

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

Life is a child playing around your feet, a tool you hold firmly in your grip, a bench you sit down upon in the evening, in your garden. - Jean Anouilh

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


Fish Eye Lens

Horse Mask

Chocolate Filling

Mea Culpa Road

Pool Painters

Cocoon Stage

Eye For Coffee

Like No Udder

Egyptian Pyramid Scheme

Hammock Kayak

CARnivore

Alligator Hallucinogens

Step Lover

Iron Horse Carriage

Anon-y-moose

Kids Meal

Close Today

How Pitbulls Really Fight

Grillbillies

Captain Literate

Fossilized Sid

Plenty Of Fish In The Sea

Husband Colors

Mac Supports Windows