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Car Surgeon

Has your Doctor diagnosed your timing belt?

Car Surgeon thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Timing is everything

QuotaBills
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown

Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard

Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill

The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf

If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

A designer is an emerging synthesis of artist, inventor, mechanic, objective economist and evolutionary strategist. - R. Buckminster Fuller

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz


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