December 26th: Santa's Holiday

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

To look back is to relax one's vigil. - Bette Davis

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. - Abe Lemons

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. - Chinese Proverb

Middle age is when, wherever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater. - Denis Norden

Dear Monday, you should take a holiday. Trust me, no one will miss you. - Unknown

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer. - William S. Burroughs

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

There is always going to be a little something wrong with you. Relax and live through that. - Unknown

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

For short term relaxation, I take a hot tub. It's my best way to unblock writer's block. - Ellen Hopkins

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Seems like Americans just want it to be Halloween all year. The holiday just keeps getting more popular. - Amity Shlaes

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Yoga is invigoration in relaxation. Freedom in routine. Confidence through self control. Energy within and energy without. - Ymber Delecto

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon

What's my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait - I'm describing my bed again. - Bill Murray