QuotaBillsSanta's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker
To look back is to relax one's vigil. - Bette Davis
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser
I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd
Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax. - Mark Black
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. - Abe Lemons
I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. - Chinese Proverb
Middle age is when, wherever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater. - Denis Norden
Most of the things you worry about won't even happen, so relax. - Unknown
Dear Monday, you should take a holiday. Trust me, no one will miss you. - Unknown
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer. - William S. Burroughs
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright
I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
I think Nature's imagination is so much greater than man's, she's never gonna let us relax! - Richard P Feynman
Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put
the batteries. - Milton Berle
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple
This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon
What's my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait - I'm describing my bed again. - Bill Murray