How To Cut Down On Your Drinking

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Draft Dodger: Someone who avoids beer on tap. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

Lasting Impression: What a Sumo wrestler leaves in his mattress - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

I'm a black belt in karate. I grew up on the outskirts of Paris, and it was rough. - Elodie Yung

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Karate's a very boring sport, but when you know the technique you can go further and further. - Jean-Claude Van Damme

I'm a 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do and 2nd degree in karate, and I'm a licensed bodyguard. - Katheryn Winnick

I don't like creating software anymore. It's too exact. It's like karate; there's no room for error. - John Maeda

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman

When I was younger I did karate and martial arts, and I think it's really cool for girls to have those kinds of abilities. - Rebel Wilson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster

Even if you can be the world's best at one thing, you'll be the world's worst at something else. Supermodels make pathetic sumo wrestlers. - Martha Beck