#1 humor site on the 'net

How To Weigh Yourself Correctly

I can't believe I was doing it wrong all these years!

How To Weigh Yourself Correctly thanks to Cathy Young

How to do it properly? Weigh down on the job!

QuotaBills
How much does your building weigh? - R Buckminster Fuller

Does running late count as exercise? - Unknown

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Fran Lebowitz

The heart, like the stomach, wants a varied diet. - Gustave Flaubert

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. - Erma Bombeck

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons. - Unknown

Maybe I oughta get one of them priests in to exercise with her. - Archie Bunker

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

Jumping At Conclusions: Not half as much exercise as digging for facts - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

I'm an emotional eater. When I get upset, my diet goes out the window. - Kelly Osbourne

Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like muscles of the body. - Lynn Jennings

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

Great is the height I must scale, but the prospect of glory gives me strength. - Propertius

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

Exercise is king, nutrition is queen. Put them together and you have a kingdom. - Jack LaLanne

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

Every single diet I ever fell off of was because of potatoes and gravy of some sort. - Dolly Parton

On behalf of every man looking out for every girl, you are the God and weight of her world. - John Mayer

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

Television remote controls encourage couch potatoes to exercise their options while broadening their base. - William Arthur Ward

When governments become large, voters cannot exercise close oversight, otherwise known as political power. - Maggie Gallagher

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

New Zealand was one of the most beautiful countries to drive through for the scenery and the vast scale of the place. - Louise Nurding

Confidence is beautiful, no matter your size, no matter your weight. Be confident in who you are and you'll be beautiful. - Unknown

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

Money isn't the most important thing in life, but it's reasonably close to oxygen on the "gotta have it" scale. - Zig Ziglar

In Japan, animation is a big part of your media diet. I moved out to Los Angeles at 9, and when I got homesick, I would watch anime. - Hiro Murai

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha


Puzzle Makers

Fishing Dog

Twins' First Piano Lesson

Black Sheep Friday

Black Friday Scam

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Aussie Gazpacho

Too Much Turkey

Best Friend Theft

Baconurkey

Biggest Turkeys

Turkey Day Selfie

Redneck Turkey Shoot

Grandma's Beautiful Pies

Going Cold Turkey

Run, Turkey, Run

Carving The Turkey

Thanksgiving Harvest Time

Turkey Wants You To Eat Pork

Nintendo Motor

Responsible Hi-Tech Redneck

GoosePrints

Stairway Roots

I Love Thanksgiving