Look Daddy - Baby Kittens!

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party. - Proverb

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself. - Abraham Lincoln

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat. - Ogden Nash

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

I was readin' an article about the animal population - there's millions of pets explodin'. - Archie Bunker

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller