Redneck House Cleaning

A house divided against itself cannot stand. - Abraham Lincoln

A man in the house is worth two in the street. - Mae West

Hot flushes and mentalpause. House of ill refute. - Archie Bunker

Peace and a well-built house cannot be bought too dearly. - Danish Proverb

Better a hundred enemies outside the house than one inside. - Arabic proverb

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

I have so much hair, I have a separate wig closet in my house. - Sherri Shepherd

Give a landlord an inch and he'll build an apartment house. - American Proverb

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

Go often to the house of a friend, for weeds choke the unused path. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr

Hidin' out in the house all the time, like some Bantam of the Opera. - Archie Bunker

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. - Steven Wright

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. - Ambrose Bierce

I wouldn't run for President. I wouldn't want to move to a smaller house. - Bono

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. - Jay Leno

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. - Robin Williams

If you burn your neighbor's house down, it doesn't make your house look any better. - Lou Holtz

So finally, the great Jefferson, who always reclined to cross my freshhold is into the house. - Archie Bunker

Maybe I'd like to run around the house in my drawers, and with her here, I felt inhabited. - Archie Bunker

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above, so I never have to go upstairs. - Steven Wright

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. - William Shakespeare

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

A squirrel dying in front of your house may be more relevant to your interests right now than people dying in Africa. - Mark Zuckerberg

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert. I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house-top. - Bible

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies." - Phyllis Diller

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is no more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules H Poincare

At this late hour a wagon has been procured, and I have had it filled with plate and the most valuable portable articles, belonging to the house. - Dolly Madison

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon