Redneck House Cleaning

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

There will be no whitewash at the White House. - Richard M Nixon

He'd go through the house like Typhoon Mary. - Archie Bunker

It is easier to demolish a house than to build one. - Irish proverb

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

An empty purse and a new house make a man wise, but too late. - Portuguese Proverb

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

Go often to the house of a friend, for weeds choke the unused path. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard. - Margaret C Banning

When the snake is in the house, one need not discuss the matter at length. - African Saying

In the haunted house of life, art is the only stair that doesn't creak. - Tom Robbins

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. - Steven Wright

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. - Ambrose Bierce

I love contemporary art, although I wouldn't want a pickled shark in my house. - Bruno Tonioli

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. - Jay Leno

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. - Robin Williams

A gentleman should never leave the house without a sharp knife, a good watch, and great hat. - Unknown

So finally, the great Jefferson, who always reclined to cross my freshhold is into the house. - Archie Bunker

Maybe I'd like to run around the house in my drawers, and with her here, I felt inhabited. - Archie Bunker

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

Without my pets, my wallet would be full, my house would be clean, but my heart would be empty. - Unknown

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. - William Shakespeare

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. - WC Fields

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. - Phyllis Diller

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

A squirrel dying in front of your house may be more relevant to your interests right now than people dying in Africa. - Mark Zuckerberg

Every woman's dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed... and clean the whole house while she sleeps. - Unknown

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second. - Robert Frost

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

Science is built of facts the way a house is built of bricks; but an accumulation of facts is no more science than a pile of bricks is a house. - Henri Poincare

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright