Redneck House Cleaning

Art is a house that tries to be haunted. - Emily Dickinson

Oscar night at my house is called Passover. - Bob Hope

A man in the house is worth two in the street. - Mae West

At my house, Dust is a noun, not a verb. - Unknown

Choose your neighbor before you buy your house. - African Proverb

He'd go through the house like Typhoon Mary. - Archie Bunker

Hot flushes and mentalpause. House of ill refute. - Archie Bunker

Without love, the rich and poor live in the same house. - Unknown

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

Better a hundred enemies outside the house than one inside. - Arabic proverb

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

An empty purse and a new house make a man wise, but too late. - Portuguese Proverb

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

Hidin' out in the house all the time, like some Bantam of the Opera. - Archie Bunker

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Don't talk about a rope in the house of someone whose father was hung. - Colin Farrell

When the snake is in the house, one need not discuss the matter at length. - African Saying

In the haunted house of life, art is the only stair that doesn't creak. - Tom Robbins

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on? - Henry David Thoreau

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

If you burn your neighbor's house down, it doesn't make your house look any better. - Lou Holtz

So finally, the great Jefferson, who always reclined to cross my freshhold is into the house. - Archie Bunker

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

If we build in the desert, let the house know the desert and the desert be proud of the house. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

It's not my fault I was dragged out of my house by a mob and forced to predict the weather. - Punxsutawney Phil

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. - WC Fields

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. - Steven Wright

Hockey on roller skates is like MMA in a bounce house: the elements are there, but the medium makes the whole thing ridiculous. - David Walton

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second. - Robert Frost

I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. - Steven Wright

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies." - Phyllis Diller

Science is built of facts the way a house is built of bricks; but an accumulation of facts is no more science than a pile of bricks is a house. - Henri Poincare

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion... I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. - Kurt Vonnegut

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon