#1 humor site on the 'net

Redneck Lawn Mower Delivery

Giving a ride to a riding lawn mower

Redneck Lawn Mower Delivery thanks to Martin Grosse

Bubba saves on shipping charges

QuotaBills
Meat: Grass once removed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Paddy O Furniture: Irish lawn chairs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party. - Proverb

Have patience! In time, even grass becomes milk. - Charan Singh

Laundress: A gown worn while sitting on the grass - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz

When two elephants fight it is the grass that gets trampled. - African Proverb

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

A people without history is like the wind on the buffalo grass. - Lakota Sioux Proverb

All you need to grow fine, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk. - Will Rogers

I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn. - C.E. Cowman

The key to a healthy lawn is to take care of what happens below ground. - Mike Bechtle

If dandelions were hard to grow, they would be most welcome on any lawn. - Andrew V. Mason

Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself. - Zenrin

Books are no different from goats - they enjoy an afternoon out on the lawn. - Kate Bernheimer

The grass may be greener on the other side, but it's just as hard to cut. - Little Richard

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Ever hear of the old saying, "grass don't grow on a busy street?" - Archie Bunker

The grass withers, the flower fades
But the word of our God stands forever. - Isaiah 40:8

You got to have smelt a lot of mule manure before you can sing like a hillbilly. - Hank Williams

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. - Muhammad Ali

Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, 'Grow, grow.' - Talmud

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

Samson, he takes the jawbone out of the grass and he kills the whole army of the Phillipines. - Archie Bunker

There's one good thing about snow: it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's. - Clyde Moore

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence. - Hal Borland

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

I asked the waiter, "Is this milk fresh?" He said, "Lady, three hours ago it was grass." - Phyllis Diller

An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth. - Unknown

I spend hours mowing the lawn in absolutely straight lines on my tractor. If it's not right, I do it again. - Britt Ekland

The bulletin board on the lawn of a New Jersey Church reads "We reserve the right to accept everybody." - John Kazmark

Gardener: 1. Someone who thinks that what goes down must come up; 2. A man who never lets grass grow under his feet. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. - James Dent

Grass: 1. The green stuff that wilts in the yard and flourishes in the garden; 2. What grows by the yard and dies by the foot. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hypothesis: 1. First thing a Redneck teenager says to his father on the phone; 2. Hippo, horse; thesis, placing: putting something on a horse. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


Beach Sign Training

Encouraging Seal

GMC Pool

Nature Calls

You're Home Early

New Nail Gun

Long Noodles

EMS Upgrade

No Pot Of Gold

Graduation Swag

Monkeypox

Pre-Dinner Photography

Curses, Foiled Again

Ant Virus

Sidewalk Malt Melt

Bird's Eye View

Sea Girl

Lifeguard Distancing

Merry Go Motorbike

Build Back Better - Season 2

Build Back Better - Season 1

Zamboni Date

Bagpipe Runners

9 Months On The Inside