#1 humor site on the 'net

Shelf Ready Sleeper

Kindergarten Napster - anywhere will do!

Shelf Ready Sleeper thanks to Jutta Liesenfeld

QuotaBills
Sleep is the best meditation. - Dalai Lama

I did my best, and God did the rest. - Hattie McDaniel

Let us be free. The rest matters not! - Jose de San Martin

One cannot rest except after steady practice. - George Ade

This is the first day of the rest of your life. - Unknown

Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired. - Jules Renard

Once you get rid of integrity the rest is a piece of cake. - Larry Hagman

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too? - George Carlin

I'm tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am. - Paula Abdul

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. - Emo Philips

If you can't sleep do not count the sheep, worship the Shepherd. - Unknown

Man - a creature created at the end of a work week when God was tired. - Mark Twain

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep. - Rumi

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Retired is being tired twice... first tired of working, then tired of not. - Richard Armour

Tattoos - it's like wearing an Ed Hardy shirt for the rest of your life. - Russell Peters

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life. - George Burns

Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration; the rest of us just get up and go to work. - Stephen King

Work hard. Rock hard. Eat hard. Sleep hard. Grow big. Wear glasses if you need 'em. - Webb Wilder

I object to people running down the future. I intend to live the rest of my life there. - Charles F Kettering

I always sleep with one shoe in my hand to put out any fires I may accidentally ignite. - Gene Fowler

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life. - George Burns

Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn. - Mahatma Gandhi

The voice of the intellect is a soft one, but it does not rest until it has gained a hearing. - Sigmund Freud

It is not your business to succeed, but to do right; when you have done so, the rest lies with God. - C S Lewis

Compared with the knowledge to be gleaned from the genome, the whole of the rest of biology is but a thimbleful. - Matt Ridley

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. - George Foreman

When you wake up in the morning, you have two choices: go back to sleep and dream your dreams, or wake up and chase those dreams. - Unknown

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing. - William Arthur Ward

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

You learn you can do your best even when it's hard, even when you're tired and maybe hurting a little bit. It feels good to show some courage. - Joe Namath

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish. - Steven Wright

Some fearful sights there be that creep
By night - I mean that harass sleep;
But tenfold more alarming seem these when
They brave the day, to breathe the air like men. - William Batchelder Greene

He was afraid of touching his own wrist. He never attempted to sleep on his left side, even in those dismal hours of the night when the insomniac longs for a third side after trying the two he has. - Vladimir Nabokov

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you. - Ray Romano

Learn to regard the souls around you as parts of some grand instrument. It is for each of us to know the keys and stops, that we may draw forth the harmonies that lie sleeping in the silent octaves. - Unknown


New Nail Gun

Breakthrough - Second Wind

Burma Road Cycling

Water Waste Basket

My Daughter and My Money

Executive Decision Time

Animal Rings

Cow Return

Biggest Fan On The Block

Senior's TV Tray

Potty 'Train'ing In India

A Woman Named Five Horses

Vegan Dentist

How To Conserve Gas

Rolling Shoes

How Twins Are Made

Cool Reading Room

Poor Lifetime

Be GarFul

Tooth Ferry

Ready For Rabbits

Ecosystem

Plumber's Night Light

Can I Lick The Bowl