#1 humor site on the 'net

Baby Delivery

When the stork becomes outdated

Baby Delivery thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
Newborn Baby: Fresh heir - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Baby lying in the bassinoot. - Archie Bunker

Deceitful: Infant who needs changing - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Stoic: De boid what brings de babies - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

From the prairies, to the oceans, wide with foam - Archie Bunker

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. - Carl Sandburg

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters. - Nora Ephron

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

When a man is wrapped up in himself he makes a pretty small package. - John Ruskin

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first. - Mignon McLaughlin

Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, begatten. - Archie Bunker

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

Motherhood: Feeding them as a baby and then through most of their twenties. - Unknown

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and obsolescence. - Art Linkletter

At the base and birth of every successful venture you will find an enthusiast. - Winston Churchill

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? - Benny Hill

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with. - George Carlin

Prophecy: The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. - Ambrose Bierce

It's one of the great urban myths that people get pregnant in order to have children. - Menzies Campbell

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

It's been a tough week. I bought myself a memory foam mattress and now it's trying to blackmail me. - Gary Delaney

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

Since people are going to be living longer and getting older, they'll just have to learn how to be babies longer. - Andy Warhol

Menopause: because nature decided that pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and stretch marks wasn't enough. - Unknown

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

The climate, the economic situation, rising birth rates; none of these things give me a lot of hope or reason to be optimistic. - David Attenborough

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt


Eye Testing In Progress

Parent Signature

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Long Bore Gun

Bird Cam

Lost Wormhole

Where Weir'd Frogmen Jump In

Low Ceiling Workout

Dog Diner

Wet T-Shirt Contest Winners

Cow Farts

Revenge

Gaping Hole Costume

Redneck Water Skiing

Harrison Ford

Plenty of Room for God's Creatures

Aussie Selfie

Pyramid Kiss

Piano Door Bell

Trucks with 'Down' Syndrome

Tower of Pisa Restorer

Glamour Training

What Did She Say?

I'm Here!