Bullet Rings

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has not pleasure. - Samuel Johnson

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. - Andre Maurois

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

Marriage is the harmony of God synchronizing two wills with the will of the Father. - Ravi Zacharias

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

Without the will, marriage is a mockery; without the emotion, it is a drudgery. You need both. - Ravi Zacharias

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx