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Scotland is the Canada of England. - Rainn Wilson

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Never ask the barber if you need a haircut. - Warren Buffet

A hair on the head is worth two on the brush. - Oliver Herford

You're only as good as your last haircut. - Fran Lebowitz

He doesn't dye his hair, he bleaches his face. - Johnny Carson

I feel old when I see mousse in my opponent's hair. - Andre Aggassi

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill

The best thing I know between France and England is the sea. - Douglas Jerrold

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. - P G Wodehouse

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

I don't consider myself bald. I'm simply taller than my hair. - Tom Sharp

I have little hair because my brain is so big it pushes the hair out. - Silvio Berlusconi

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? - Lily Tomlin

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle. - Hillary Clinton

Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush. - Phyllis Diller

The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

A celebrity is anyone who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair. - Steve Martin

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

Whether you're a man or not comes from your heart, not how much hair you have on your head. - Bruce Willis

I slipped at a bus stop; I went one way and my hair went the other. That was the end of my wig. - Tia Carrere

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded. - Steven Wright

"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

If there be a God, I think that what he would like me to do is paint as much of the map of Africa British red as possible. - Cecil Rhodes

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

You know, sometimes I feel well and vital in the world, and sometimes I just feel so distressed I want to pull my hair out by the roots. - Sharon Stone

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

When I was six, I entered a talent contest. I dyed my hair blond, had a chainsaw and pretended I was Eminem. The old folk weren't expecting that. - Nico Mirallegro


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