Don't Try This At Home

Turkish Bath: A pool room - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. - James Goldsmith

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender monkeys. - Groundskeeper Willie

What happens in the hot tub stays in the hot tub. - Aussie Swimmer

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

Oh, that sound? I'm in the hot tub, reading a novel. - Jane Smiley

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from the tree. - Cameroon Proverb

The surest way to make a monkey out of a man is to quote him. - Robert Benchley

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

Well, yous 2 may have come from monkeys and bamboons, but not me. - Archie Bunker

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

My grandmother took a bath every year, whether she was dirty or not. - Brendan Behan

It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp. - Robin Williams

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? - George Carlin

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George

Hiring someone to write your autobiography is like hiring someone to take a bath for you. - Mae West

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. - Mark Twain

Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker

The monkeys solved the puzzle simply because they found it gratifying to solve puzzles. They enjoyed it. The joy of the task was its own reward. - Daniel H. Pink

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash