Handyman's Christmas Tree

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Every man under his own fig tree. - Hebrew Saying

A little axe can cut down a big tree. - Jamaican Saying

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

If you hate where you are, move - you are not a tree. - Unknown

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Kahlil Gibran

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Khalil Gibran

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

Zealotry: 1. The enemy of idealism; 2. What a tree salesman likes to do. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White

Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. - WC Fields

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

Money frees you from doing things you dislike.
Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. - Groucho Marx

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

The minute there's a map, there is no art. Paint by numbers is not art. Paint by numbers is a mechanical activity. - Seth Godin

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash