House Appraisal

Chewie, we're home. - Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Housework, if you do it right, can kill you. - Erma Bombeck

A man in the house is worth two in the street. - Mae West

Hot flushes and mentalpause. House of ill refute. - Archie Bunker

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? - Phyllis Diller

Art is the only way to run away without leaving home. - Twyla Tharp

Marrying is easy - it's housework that's hard. - Proverb

If light is in your heart, you will find your way home. - Rumi

A consultant is an ordinary man away from home giving advice. - Oscar Wilde

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

In the haunted house of life, art is the only stair that doesn't creak. - Tom Robbins

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

Italy is the home of art and swindling; home of religion and moral rottenness. - Mark Twain

People who have good relationships at home are more effective in the marketplace. - Zig Ziglar

The only ultimate disaster that can befall us is to feel ourselves at home on this earth. - Malcolm Muggeridge

If you burn your neighbor's house down, it doesn't make your house look any better. - Lou Holtz

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

It's not my fault I was dragged out of my house by a mob and forced to predict the weather. - Punxsutawney Phil

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

No guest is so welcome in a friend's house that he will not become a nuisance after three days. - Plautus

You need a plan to build a house. To build a life, it is even more important to have a plan or goal. - Zig Ziglar

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

Gonna be incrimated... they're gonna keep the ashes around the house in one of them silver urinals. - Archie Bunker

In France we leave unmolested those who set fire to the house, and persecute those who sound the alarm. - Sebastien Chamfort

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. - Quentin Crisp

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. - Phyllis Diller

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

The scorn men express for a male who does housework is exceeded only by their aversion to a woman who doesn't. - Penny Kome

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate.
What's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? - Will Rogers

A squirrel dying in front of your house may be more relevant to your interests right now than people dying in Africa. - Mark Zuckerberg

Eden is that old-fashioned house
We dwell in every day
Without suspecting our abode
Until we drive away. - Emily Dickinson

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

I could dance with you till the cows come home...
on second thought, I'll dance with the cows till you come home. - Groucho Marx

Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her. - Ryan Reynolds

You reached into my soul and rearranged the position of my bones,
You rebuilt my rib cage so your heart could be home. - Unknown

I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. - Steven Wright

Home is a place not only of strong affections, but of entire unreserve. It is life's undress rehearsal, its back-room, its dressing room. - Harriet Beecher Stowe