Redneck Neighborhood Watch

A gun gives you the body, not the bird. - Henry David Thoreau

Never argue with a woman, a winner, or a weapon. - Frank Dane

Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself. - Unknown

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. - George Burns

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. - Jules de Gaultier

Fox hunting is the unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible. - Oscar Wilde

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? - George Carlin

You can figure out what the villain fears by his choice of weapons. - Connie Brockway

Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. - Paul Harvey

Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award. - Billy Wilder

Your own safety is at stake when your neighbor's house is in flames. - Horace

Problem solving is hunting. It is savage pleasure and we are born to it. - Thomas Harris

Satellite imagery is the only way we can map the looting patterns effectively. - Sarah Parcak

Leadership is intangible, and therefore no weapon ever designed can replace it. - Omar N. Bradley

It is much easier to imagine ghastly new biological weapons than to create them. - Andrew Pollack

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar. - WC Fields

If you have a gun you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank you can rob everyone. - Unknown

You can see the true heart of a man when you're out in the woods with a weapon. - Jase Robertson

Husband-hunting: A sport in which the animal that gets caught has to buy the license - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

Praise is the weapon God gives you to leverage the negative circumstances of your life. - David Evans

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

While I love shooting in New York City, I look forward to filming season six in Los Angeles. - Donald Trump

You could say that the paparazzi and the tabloids are sort of the assault weapons of the First Amendment. - Charlton Heston

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle, yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded. - Tyne Daly

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. - Bjarne Stroustrup

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein

To an entrepreneur, closing a financing often feels like the end of a marathon. It's actually the starting gun. - Andy Dunn

Only think of two things - the gun and the tape. When you hear the one, just run like hell until you break the other. - Sam Mussabini

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. - P G Wodehouse

Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas. - Joseph Stalin

I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, okay? It's, like, incredible. - Donald Trump

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

It is easier to lead men to combat, stirring up their passion, than to restrain them and direct them toward the patient labors of peace. - Andre Gide

I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. - Yasser Arafat

I not only knew Houdini, but we had a very lovely relationship. I really though we had something going, and then the son of a gun disappeared. - Betty White

When I came back to Dublin, I was courtmartialled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. - Brendan Behan