Redneck Porch Hunter

Gun Control: Using both hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

A gun gives you the body, not the bird. - Henry David Thoreau

What happens in the hot tub stays in the hot tub. - Aussie Swimmer

Hunting: the least honorable form of war on the weak. - Paul Richard

Oh, that sound? I'm in the hot tub, reading a novel. - Jane Smiley

Head Hunter: The person to see if you have lost your head - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Fox hunting is the unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible. - Oscar Wilde

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns. - W S Gilbert

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? - Mae West

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

Hunting isn't just something I do. It's part of who I am. - Unknown

Diploma: 1. Da man dat fixes your pipes; 2. A job-hunting license. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport. - Elayne Boosler

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

It's better to have a gun and need it, than to not have a gun and not need it. - Ricky

Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game. - Paul Rodriguez

Any gun in the hands of a decent person is no threat to anybody, except bad people. - Charlton Heston

Grandchildren are God's rewards to grandparents for not shooting their children. - Unknown

Husband-hunting: A sport in which the animal that gets caught has to buy the license - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

Like trying a man's finger for having pulled the trigger of a gun which murdered someone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

For short term relaxation, I take a hot tub. It's my best way to unblock writer's block. - Ellen Hopkins

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it. - Groucho Marx

In hunting - as in life - sometimes the thing you need most isn't the thing you went looking for. - Unknown

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle, yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded. - Tyne Daly

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. - Tim Vine

The policemen or soldiers are only a gun in the establishments hand. They make the racist secure in his racism. - Huey Newton

I am getting to an age when I can only enjoy the last sport left. It is called 'hunting for your spectacles.' - Edward Grey

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. - P G Wodehouse

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. - Yasser Arafat

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

Hypothesis: 1. First thing a Redneck teenager says to his father on the phone; 2. Hippo, horse; thesis, placing: putting something on a horse. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter. - Ernest Hemingway