#1 humor site on the 'net

Santa Cats

We five cats of orient are...

Santa Cats thanks to Dolores Schantin

QuotaBills
A meowing cat catches no mice. - Yiddish proverb

All cats appear grey in the dark. - English Proverb

After dark, all cats are leopards. - Zuni Proverb

When the cat dies, the mice rejoice. - African saying

Cataract: Where cats hang their coats. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

A lame cat is better than a swift horse when rats infest the palace. - Chinese Proverb

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. - Albert Schweitzer

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. - Garrison Keillor

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. - Groucho Marx

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade without further introduction. - Mark Twain

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

In the beginning, God created man, but seeing him so feeble, He gave him the cat. - Warren Eckstein

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat. - Mark Twain

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Always the cat remains a little beyond the limits we try to set for him in our blind folly. - Andre Norton

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. - Charles Darwin

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I will be deafer than the blue-eyed cat, And thrice as blind as any noonday owl, To holy virgins in their ecstasies. - Alfred Tennyson

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright


9 Months On The Inside

Noah Called

The Mighty Stegosaurus

Get A Dog They Said

Are You Ready?

Down Day

Peddle Sewing Machine Sink

You Never Call

Dawntastic

Work Rules

Navy Golf Course for Aircraft Carriers

Less Severe Inflation

Hotel Annex

King Stump

Diet Carbs

Home Made Limo

Cool Reading Room

Biggest Fan On The Block

Vintage Birth Control

Close Shave

Australian RV

Panorama Dog

Revenue Canada Subscription Cancellation

Why You Shouldn't Let Your Dog Drink Beer