#1 humor site on the 'net

The Perfect Weight

Reaching for the perfect weight in the New Year?

The Perfect Weight thanks to Vic Lee

QuotaBills
The dieting wars have got to stop. - Lady Gaga

Life is too short to be on a diet. - Taylor J Reid

Happiness is equilibrium. Shift your weight. - Tom Stoppard

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Fran Lebowitz

The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. - Unknown

The heart, like the stomach, wants a varied diet. - Gustave Flaubert

My weight is perfect for my height - which varies. - Unknown

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. - Erma Bombeck

I don't trust any diet that doesn't allow sugar. - Bethenny Frankel

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

The first couple of days on the detox diet aren't pleasant. - Carol Vorderman

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

Once you lose the weight, you're really anxious to eat healthy. - Etta James

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

I am on a ketos diet so I avoid sugar, dairy products, wheat, grain or pulses. - Puneet Issar

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

On behalf of every man looking out for every girl, you are the God and weight of her world. - John Mayer

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place. - Sarah Dessen

I grew up on a steady diet of science fiction, especially apocalyptic and postapocalyptic fiction. - Justin Cronin

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

If I go on a diet and work out, I'm always in a bad mood. I'd rather be a little heavier but nice. - Salma Hayek

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. - John Updike

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Dieting is not a sprint, it's a marathon. If you celebrate the small victories, you will eventually win the war. - Ian K Smith

The first requisite of a good citizen in this republic of ours is that he shall be able and willing to pull his weight. - Theodore Roosevelt

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

In Japan, animation is a big part of your media diet. I moved out to Los Angeles at 9, and when I got homesick, I would watch anime. - Hiro Murai

I'm off the diet, but not the treadmill. I speak as someone who's attempted to lose weight and get fit thrice before in my life. - Ronnie Screwvala

My daily diet consists of basically anything I think looks tasty, whether that's pizza, sushi, burgers, quesadillas. I like everything. - Cameron Dallas

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I cook croquetas, and I eat jamon. I keep my diet 100% Mediterranean and drink my Rioja. In that sense, I have a piece of Spain in West Hollywood. - Paz Vega

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


Hairy Potter

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Crosswalk Casualty

The Tree Is Up, Dear

One Too Many

Owl Garden

GhetToes

Statue Pose

Magnetic Personality

Giant Texas Red Centipede

Snow Barrier

Buddhist Tempull

Truck Lift Repair

In-Spired Safety Tip

Secruity Parking Spot

Only In Thailand - Time To Clean The Pet Snake

Remote Outdoors

Scaffolding for the Dirt Cheap Contractor

Fix It Later Detour

I Smell A Rat

Adhesive Shade

Be Anything You Want

Tractor Pull

Canadian Ice Shrub