Waiting For Dinner

All cats appear grey in the dark. - English Proverb

After dark, all cats are leopards. - Zuni Proverb

Imitation is the sincerest form of television. - Fred Allen

Love is the net where hearts are caught like fish. - Muhammad Ali

If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner. - H.S. Leigh

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

He that waits upon fortune is never sure of a dinner. - Benjamin Franklin

We're eating dinner soon. Don't fill up on homework. - Alex Baze

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

Television has brought back murder into the home... where it belongs. - Alfred Hitchcock

A fishing rod is a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other. - Samuel Johnson

Fish die belly upward, and rise to the surface. Its their way of falling. - Andre Gide

Getting an award from TV is like being kissed by someone with bad breath. - Mason Williams

Television: a medium. So called because it's neither rare nor well done. - Ernie Kovacs

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. - Groucho Marx

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. - Ann Landers

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight. - George Gobel

Governing a large country is like frying a small fish. You spoil it with too much poking. - Lao-Tzu

Always the cat remains a little beyond the limits we try to set for him in our blind folly. - Andre Norton

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. - Charles Darwin

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

President Ford tells us all to bite the bullet and Betsy Ford goes on TV and shoots off her mouth. - Archie Bunker

You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer when you want to turn your brain on. - Steve Jobs

When they see me holding fish, they can see that I am comfortable with kings as well as with paupers. - Imelda Marcos

When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face.
That's the price she has to pay. - Groucho Marx

I keep looking for one more teacher, only to find that fish learn from the water and birds learn from the sky. - Mark Nepo

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. - Barbara Harrison

There is no way you can get people to believe you on screen if they know who you really are through television. - Jack Nicholson

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. - Groucho Marx

Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. - Mark Twain

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner. - WC Fields

Why something in the public interest such as television news can be fought over, like a chain of hamburger stands, eludes me. - Jimmy Breslin

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright