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Baby's Off Day

Why does everything always happen to me?

Baby's Off Day thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

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Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

I don't like the crying. - Donald Trump

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

A baby's laugh is an angel's voice. - Unknown

Find a shoulder to cry on, but not just any shoulder. - Lewis Schiff

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

Menopause: you have to laugh or you'll end up crying. - Missa Says

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened. - Dr. Seuss

Real golfers don't cry when they line up their fourth putt. - Unknown

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. - Stendhal

Too much homework can cause stress, depression and even lower grades. - Unknown

Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death. - Albert Einstein

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

A diamond is just a piece of coal that handles stress exceptionally well. - Unknown

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

God will never give you anything you can't handle, so don't stress. - Kelly Clarkson

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

At the base and birth of every successful venture you will find an enthusiast. - Winston Churchill

The most important question in the world is, "Why is the child crying?" - Alice Walker

Stress depletes willpower, which diminishes your ability to control those emotions. - Roy F Baumeister

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

I want to break something, or hit something, but I am afraid to move, so I start crying instead. - Veronica Roth

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars. - Rabindranath Tagore

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. - Enid Bagnold

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

Crying doesn't indicate that you are weak. Ever since you were born it's been a sign that you are alive. - Unknown

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. - Virginia Woolf

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin


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