#1 humor site on the 'net

Chewing Gum Hazard

Government Health Warning - beware of 'Hemorrhoid Helper' workouts

Chewing Gum Hazard thanks to Wally Zatylny

Hemorrhoid Helper Class - Rectum? Darned near killed 'em!

QuotaBills
TV: Chewing gum for the eyes. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Does running late count as exercise? - Unknown

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit. - Phyllis Diller

A critic is a legless man who teaches running. - Channing Pollock

I consider exercise vulgar. It makes people smell. - Alec Yuill-Thornton

I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me. - Mark Twain

We're running the company to serve more people. - Mark Zuckerberg

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. - Naguib Mahfouz

Progressing through life is like running a marathon. - Joseph B Wirthlin

I am not into working out. My philosophy: no pain, no pain. - Carol Leifer

I often take exercise. Only yesterday I had breakfast in bed. - Oscar Wilde

Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it but don't swallow it. - Hank Ketcham

Gossip is just news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress. - Liz Smith

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass. - Martin Mull

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

Motivation is the fuel, necessary to keep the human engine running. - Zig Ziglar

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

Risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. - Leo Buscaglia

Fitness needs to be perceived as fun and games or we subconsciously avoid it. - Alan Thicke

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - WC Fields

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

Every leap year I like to jump. It’s a good way to get my daily exercise in every four years. - Jarod Kintz

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use one more club or two more balls. - Unknown

When governments become large, voters cannot exercise close oversight, otherwise known as political power. - Maggie Gallagher

I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym bag. - Charles Barkley

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

Happiness consists in activity: such is the constitution of our nature; it is a running stream, and not a stagnant pool. - John M. Good

Tarry a moment to watch the chaos of a playground, crayola-colored shirts of running children, all trying out their wings. - Dr. SunWolf

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair

Running! If there's any activity happier, more exhilarating, more nourishing to the imagination, I can't imagine what it might be. - Joyce Carol Oates

Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid

I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker

Blaze your own glittery, sparkly, fiery, shimmering path. Surround yourself with the things that make you shine. Create your bubble and thrive in it. - Cara A Leyba


Transparent Touch Calculator

Jet Nozzles

Cord Chewing

Surreal Cubist

Painting The Center Line

Names of the Colours

At Home Grave

Boatload Interception

Shadow Seats

Alice In Hulaland

French Army Knife

Putting Your Foot Down

Chicken Rider

ManHole

Hurricane Irene

Day At The Beach

Luxury Bungalows

Baby Brew

Kids Klub

Sheep Dog Distancing

Candy Hairess

Haircut For Staff Meetings

Bag Hang-Up

Dog Spa