Excerpt from a Lion Cookbook

Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

Daniel: The founder of the Lions Club - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Rise and rise again until lambs become lions. - Robin Hood

When spiders unite, they can tie down a lion. - Ethiopian Proverb

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Sharks are the lions of the sea. They glamorize the oceanic glory. - Munia Khan

Reality: The leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. - Lily Tomlin

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. - Richard Carlson

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

A diamond is just a piece of coal that handles stress exceptionally well. - Unknown

Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one. - Hans Selye

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

Most stress is caused by people who overestimate the importance of their problems. - Michael LeBoeuf

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians, except for the occasional mountain lion steak. - Ted Nugent

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

Rectitude: The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

The tiger, he come up with the tigeress. The lion, he come up with the lionette. The zebra, he come up with the zeberelle. - Archie Bunker

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

Animals are not our selfie props. If there's any risk that your photo is going to hurt or stress an animal, it's not worth it. - Angela Henderson

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott