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Redneck Hurricane Survival Kit

Bubba's Tornado/Flooding Survival Checklist

Redneck Hurricane Survival Kit thanks to Darwin McKee

Toilet Paper ... check
Bud Light ... check
Keystone Ice ... check
Budweiser ... check
Red Dog ... check
Misc. other bottles of alcohol ... check
Piece of plywood to float your old lady and booze on ... check

QuotaBills
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Flood: A river too big for its bridges - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

In the ant's house, the dew is a flood. - Danish Proverb

I don't want to survive. I want to live. - 12 Years a Slave

A poet can survive everything but a misprint. - Oscar Wilde

Survival is a major contributor to longevity. - Unknown

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Humor is one of the best ingredients of survival. - Aung San Suu Kyi

The elephant can survive only if forests survive. - Mark Shand

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor. - Unknown

Britain's goal is not to survive, but to prevail. - Winston Churchill

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. - Unknown

Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

You only have to survive in England and all is forgiven you. - Alan Bennett

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

We'd show an Alzheimer's survivor here, if there were one. - Unknown

It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

The reappearance of the light is the same as the survival of the soul. - Victor Hugo

You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive. - Sheryl Sandberg

Better one line that will survive the author than a hundred books outlived. - Unknown

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. - Theodore White

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools. - Doug Larson

Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive. - Wallace Irwin

The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock

Success breeds complacency. Complacency breeds failure. Only the paranoid survive. - Andy Grove

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

It used to be that people needed products to survive. Now products need people to survive. - Nicholas Johnson

We are driven by five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. - William Glasser

The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. - Nicolas Chamfort

The ballet toe shoe is one of the few instruments of torture to survive intact into our time. - Unknown

Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. - Joseph Campbell

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. - Doug Larson

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation. - Oscar Wilde

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive. - WC Fields

It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive, but those who can best manage change. - Charles Darwin

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth. - Virginia Satir

Love without hope will not survive. Love without faith changes nothing. Love gives power to hope and faith. - Toba Beta

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. - Charles Darwin

It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts. - Robert H. Schuller

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow. - Maya Angelou

A mighty fortress is our God,
A bulwark never failing;
Our helper He,
amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing. - Martin Luther

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. - C S Lewis

Hypothesis: 1. First thing a Redneck teenager says to his father on the phone; 2. Hippo, horse; thesis, placing: putting something on a horse. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

Not every man can carry a full cup. Sudden elevation frequently leads to pride and a fall. The most exacting test of all is to survive prosperity. - Oswald Sanders

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


Mars Images

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Brick Shoes

Custer's Last Stand?

Hand Held Tourist

Curly Heels

Bottle Sneakret

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Second Hand Work

Ostrich Fill Up

Calory Bomb

Interuption Charge

Reach For Your Dreams

Perception

Jeopardy Measuring Cup

All We Have To Do Is Stand Up

Vacuum Extender

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Chinese Puzzle Car

Always Give 100% At Work

Ancient Politician

My Toaster Is Broken

Shining Stars

Tunnel Face