Twin Dish

France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

It's the hottest thing on television. - Donald Trump

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

Imitation is the sincerest form of television. - Fred Allen

Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me! - Homer Simpson

When I was your age, television was called books. - William Goldman

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Bed is like the womb, only drier and with better TV reception. - Linda Richman

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

I think Les Moonves is the most highly overrated person in television. - Donald Trump

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. - Dave Barry

Getting an award from TV is like being kissed by someone with bad breath. - Mason Williams

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood

A memorandum isn't written to inform the receiver, but to protect the writer. - Dean Acheson

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. - Milton Berle

If I don't work, I'll be sitting on the couch watching TV, eating popcorn and getting like a cow. - Celia Cruz

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia