Twin Dish

Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

In television blood is thicker than talent. - Gerald F Lieberman

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Very few people know this man was born an only twin. - Henny Youngman

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Nothing is really real unless it happens on television. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Life doesn't imitate art; it imitates bad television. - Woody Allen

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

Bed is like the womb, only drier and with better TV reception. - Linda Richman

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

It's very nearly impossible to tell the truth in television. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Television has brought back murder into the home... where it belongs. - Alfred Hitchcock

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. - Dave Barry

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

Satellite imagery is the only way we can map the looting patterns effectively. - Sarah Parcak

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Observe your dog: if he's fat, then you're not getting enough exercise. - Evan Esar

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

Television remote controls encourage couch potatoes to exercise their options while broadening their base. - William Arthur Ward

I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person. - Unknown

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! - Homer Simpson

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

Indians are the second largest population in the world, but we're invisible on TV - everything is either black or white. - Russell Peters

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Snap-On Gasket Scrapper: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

More people watch television and get their information that way than read books. I find new technology and new ways of communication very exciting. - Stephen Covey