Twin Dish

Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

Television is democracy at its ugliest. - Paddy Chayefsky

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

Very few people know this man was born an only twin. - Henny Youngman

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

Entertainment is a thing of the past, today we've got television. - Archie Bunker

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. - Jerry Seinfeld

My children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. - Erma Bombeck

Getting an award from TV is like being kissed by someone with bad breath. - Mason Williams

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

There are two things in this life for which we are never fully prepared: twins. - Josh Billingsad

When advice is freely given, the receiver is free to use it as he or she sees fit. - Harvey Mackay

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. - Orson Welles

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight. - George Gobel

For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2. - David Coleman

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

One of television's great contributions is that it brought murder back into the home, where it belongs. - Alfred Hitchcock

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! - Homer Simpson

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

I could never have imagined that firing 67 people on national television would actually make me more popular, especially with the younger generation. - Donald Trump