#1 humor site on the 'net

USB Vacuum Cleaner

The real reason why it takes men hours to clean the house

USB Vacuum Cleaner thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Finally - a vacuum cleaner for men

Dad, doing his bit to clean up the environment

QuotaBills
Bird House: Home Tweet Home. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Clinic: House of pill repute. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There's no place like home. - The Wizard of Oz

When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum. - Desmond Tutu

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? - Phyllis Diller

What's the need of a home if you are never in it? - George Grossmith

Better a hundred enemies outside the house than one inside. - Arabic proverb

Traveling in the company of those we love is home in motion. - Leigh Hunt

To be happy in the home is the ultimate result of all ambition. - Samuel Johnson

Real Estate: What your house is called during divorce proceedings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Go often to the house of a friend, for weeds choke the unused path. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bricks may make a house, but the laughter of children makes a home. - Irish Proverb

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Don't talk about a rope in the house of someone whose father was hung. - Colin Farrell

Spaghetti can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner. - Sophia Loren

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. - Ambrose Bierce

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it. - George Moore

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. - Jay Leno

The only ultimate disaster that can befall us is to feel ourselves at home on this earth. - Malcolm Muggeridge

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

So finally, the great Jefferson, who always reclined to cross my freshhold is into the house. - Archie Bunker

Without my pets, my wallet would be full, my house would be clean, but my heart would be empty. - Unknown

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. - William Shakespeare

People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home. - Dagobert D. Runes

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

Liberate yourself today. At work or at home - you don't have to be how others expect you to be. - Elaine Harrison

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

I don't want to end up in an old folks' home wearing incompetence pads. I'm still compost mentis. - Harriet Wynn

Monkey: 1. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees; 2. A key that won't open a door. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A squirrel dying in front of your house may be more relevant to your interests right now than people dying in Africa. - Mark Zuckerberg

There is no place like home when the people who live there make 'building one another' their highest priority. - Gordon MacDonald

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. - Steven Wright

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

Hockey on roller skates is like MMA in a bounce house: the elements are there, but the medium makes the whole thing ridiculous. - David Walton

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

Every woman's dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed... and clean the whole house while she sleeps. - Unknown

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place. - Emily Dickinson

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second. - Robert Frost

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright


Deer Hunter Tattoo

Nope, Didn't See A Thing

Man Sues Wife Over Make-Up

Down Under Bronco Riding For Kids

Re-Ewes Me

It's A Keeper

Plankstanders

Millionaire Women

Laptop Cooler

Scan Scam

Motorcycle Taxi

I've Got Time

Clangeroo

Redneck Cooler

Instead Of Flowers

Mt. Rushmore from the Canadian Side

I Love Summer

Karma Towing

Salmon-chanted Evening

Hands On Tree

Fart Facts

New Medicare Program for Senior Citizens

Down Under Bat

Muffler Hanger