Celebrity Swine Flu Fatality

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

There is no preparation for sudden celebrity. - Scarlett Johannson

A dreaded disease is infilteratin' our home - Archie Bunker

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Those who have the disease called Jesus will never be cured. - Brennan Manning

Fan Club: Weapon used by a celebrity to beat off too many fans - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind. - Albert Einstein

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig. - Robert A. Heinlein

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

Antitoxidote cruisin' through my system looking for some disease to attack. - Archie Bunker

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

We have to live our lives as if we are dying of a fatal disease. Because we are. - Phineas Narco

An ugly woman is a disease of the stomach; a handsome woman a disease of the head. - Italian Proverb

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault. - Henry Kissinger

The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I know runners who have suffered a tick bite and ended up with Lyme disease. I'll take an angry moose any day. - Don Kardong

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin