#1 humor site on the 'net

Different Drugs

Drug problem to make the world a better place

Different Drugs thanks to Wayne Nowazek

America would be a better place with this type of drug problem

Drugs stronger than cocaine, crack or heroin

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a Methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question. "Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?"

I replied, "I had a drug problem when I was young: I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields. I was drug to the homes of family, friends and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood, and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.

God bless the parents who drugged us."
QuotaBills
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

Drugs are not always necessary. Belief in recovery always is. - Norman Cousins

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. - Homer Simpson

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

The yoga mat is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren't enough. - Amy Weintraub

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

I'd stay away from Ecstasy: this is a drug so strong it makes white people think they can dance. - Lenny Henry

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

There are some things in life where it's better to receive than to give, and massage is one of them. - Al Michaels

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

150 people die every year from being hit by falling coconuts. Not to worry, drug makers are developing a vaccine. - Jim Carrey

Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date. - Caroline Rhea

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

How is it that mercury is not safe for food additives and Over the Counter drug products, but it is safe in our vaccines and dental amalgams? - Dan Burton

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller


Sick Statue

I Will Never Understand Fashion

Courtesy Option

Ab Enhancer

Family Planning Advice

Cracks Me Up

Anger Release Machine

Closing Time

Palm Sunday Social Distancing Service

Beach Breakfast

Bicycle Dining

Shark Bike

Thrilling Read

Extra Weight

Yoga's Balanced Lifestyle

Gift Shop for Stray Kids

Souped Up Car

Darth VadeHer

Submergible

Happy People

Today's Paper Read Yesterday

Someone Is Upset

Texas Diet

Moose Crossing