#1 humor site on the 'net

Grillin' Down South

In Texas, you NEVER question the cook

Grillin' Down South thanks to Kirk Lowry

QuotaBills
Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins

The people of Texas want us to secede! - William Clements

You can always tell a Texan, but not much. - Unknown

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Guns have only two enemies - rust and politicians. - Unknown

Shooting Star: A famous actor who uses his gun too often - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In plain Texas talk, it's 'do the right thing'. - Ross Perot

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

In Texas it's always hot, dry, sunny, not a cloud in the sky. - Piper Perabo

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

Passing Tone: Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Window: 1. A looking-out glass; 2. Place in the truck to hang your guns. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

Your heaviest artillery will be your will to live. Keep that big gun going. - Norman Cousins

You can get a lot farther with a kind word and a gun than a kind word alone. - Al Capone

There's something fundamentally wrong with bringing a knife to a gun fight. - Sean Connery

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

If you have a gun you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank you can rob everyone. - Unknown

It's better to have a gun and need it, than to not have a gun and not need it. - Ricky

Any gun in the hands of a decent person is no threat to anybody, except bad people. - Charlton Heston

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. - Ann Richards

If a man's from Texas, he'll tell you. If he's not, why embarrass him by asking? - John Gunther

Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush

Like trying a man's finger for having pulled the trigger of a gun which murdered someone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas. - Malcolm McDowell

I'm from Texas, and one of the reasons I like Texas is because there's no one in control. - Willie Nelson

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

You can take the girl out of Texas but not the Texas out of the girl and ultimately not the girl out of Texas. - Janine Turner

The policemen or soldiers are only a gun in the establishments hand. They make the racist secure in his racism. - Huey Newton

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. - P G Wodehouse

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas. - Joseph Stalin

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

I'd love to see Christ come back to crush the spirit of hate and make men put down their guns. I'd also like just one more hit single. - Tiny Tim

I not only knew Houdini, but we had a very lovely relationship. I really though we had something going, and then the son of a gun disappeared. - Betty White

The sky in Texas is the most amazing sky in the whole country, I think, like you can see more sky in Texas than you can see anywhere else in the world. - dina Menzel

The pleasure of jogging and running is rather like that of wearing a fur coat in Texas in August: the true joy comes in being able to take the damn thing off. - Joseph Epstein

If you want to surf, move to Hawaii. If you like to shop, move to New York. If you like acting and Hollywood, move to California. But if you like college football, move to Texas. - Ricky Williams


Parking Squeeze

Tree Barking

Elephant Sunset

TP Safety

Locked Up Bull Elk

Duck Crossing

Peeping Snake

Hydro Water Power

Cutting Edge Delivery

Baby Scan

Redneck Mirror

Skateboard Statue

WipeOut

Turtle Truck

How To Burn Fat

Unplugged

Praying & Preying Mantis

Good Driver

Overpass Passover

Fire Starter

Sinus Remedy - How To Clear Out Your Nostrils

Auto Strap

Never Run a Red Light

Bee Safe