#1 humor site on the 'net

Hand Tool

Missed it by that much...

Hand Tool thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
Many hands make light work. - English Proverb

If the sky falls, hold up your hands. - Spanish proverb

Where a man feels pain he lays his hand. - Dutch Proverb

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. - Indira Gandhi

On the other hand, you have different fingers. - Steven Wright

Putting your hands in the earth is very grounding. - John Glover

The cards are ill shuffled till I have a good hand. - Jonathan Swift

A familiar pang of dread wrapped its icy hand around my heart. - Ashley Jeffery

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? - Milton Berle

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin

My favourite quotation is eight pounds ten for a second-hand suit. - Spike Milligan

A bird in the hand is a certainty, but a bird in the bush may sing. - Bret Harte

When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. - H L Mencken

Walk boldly and wisely... there is a hand above that will help thee on. - Philip James Bailey

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

Life is like looking for your phone. Most of the time it's in your hand. - Unknown

Democracy used to be a good thing, but now it has gotten into the wrong hands. - Jesse Helms

If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. - Unknown

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

Life without endeavor is like entering a jewel mine and coming out with empty hands. - Japanese Proverb

Let him that is without stone among you cast the first thing he can lay his hands on. - Robert Frost

No matter how big and bad you are, when a 2-year-old hand you a toy phone, you answer it. - Unknown

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. - Bobby Jones

My tastes are not those of the king, who has none, except for hunting and mechanic's labour. - Marie Antoinette

How little you know about the age you live in if you think that honey is sweeter than cash in hand. - Ovid

A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you. - Will Rogers

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Courage will now be your best defence against the storm that is at hand - that and such hope as I bring. - JRR Tolkien

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. - Jay Leno

I wish I could stand on a busy street corner, hat in hand and beg people to throw me all of their wasted hours. - Bernard Berenson

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself. - Groucho Marx

Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will. - Jawaharlal Nehru

It is mathematical fact that the casting of this pebble from my hand alters the center of gravity of the universe. - Thomas Carlyle

A designer is an emerging synthesis of artist, inventor, mechanic, objective economist and evolutionary strategist. - R. Buckminster Fuller

The minute there's a map, there is no art. Paint by numbers is not art. Paint by numbers is a mechanical activity. - Seth Godin

Often we can help each other most by leaving each other alone; at other times we need the hand-grasp and the word of cheer. - Elbert Hubbard

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to throw something back. - Maya Angelou


Redneck Faucet

Feather Cleaning

Ice Hockey Meltdown

Tough Love

Easter Island

Flood Bridge

Don't Count On It

Upended Water Buffalo

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Face Heater

Leap Year Shirt

World's Greatest Typo

Icehenge

Found It!

Puma Pants

Polar Bear Attack

Foot Sign Language

Winter Tires

Hooters Face Mask

Latte Art

Whiskey Toothpaste

Titanic's Non-Romantic Scene

Fake News

Steep Steps